u/HorrorRow6544

Less than 2 weeks ago I found out my boyfriend of a year and a half was messaging/sexting other girls. I only found out because one of them had proof and messaged me. I hate that I still love him and still want to be with him, I know I should just move on but I can’t. I think about him constantly and I just want to talk to him. How do I get out of this? I’ve tried doing things I like, tried talking with friends and visiting family but it’s all I think about and I feel like I’m going crazy. Any advice?

hi Reddit, this is gonna be a lot, but I’ll do my best to put it into the right words.

So I (22f) found out last week that my boyfriend (25m) had been cheating on me. while at work, I had gotten a few messages from my younger sister (17f) saying that someone she goes to school with wanted to add me on Snapchat, and that she had proof of my boyfriend sending her dick pics. The girl had gotten my snap from my sister and added me so I added her back. She sent me screenshots/a video of what he had sent her, and explained that she knew we were together and that he had sent it just an hour prior. I called her and she told me that he had been sending things to her for 2 years (she’s 18, so she would have been 16) and that she knew 8 other people he had been sending things to (this girl is a serial cheater, and is known to do shady shit and is comfortable being a home wrecker from what I later found out) I thanked her and went straight to my boyfriend’s house and confronted him, I showed him my phone with his dick on it and asked him what the fuck that was, and all he did was stare at it, and said he didn’t know, I showed him the video and asked again. All he could do was stare at me as I was asking how many, how long, why? He finally spoke up and said it was just that one time, and claimed he was insecure, and that I made him feel small. I had an appointment at work so I ended up having to leave. I told his mom what he did before I left and she asked if I needed a hug but I just had to get out of there before I lost it. I went back to work and ended up leaving early, later I went back to his house and we had a conversation. He told me he had sent to 6 different people, the girl above and 5 other random girls online. I told him what she had said about him doing it for 2 years and he claimed he hadn’t been doing it for 2 years but that he had started doing it after he had gotten back from a trip he had taken at the start of our relationship.

For some context:

He had gone to see some old friends in another province (we live in Canada) and we got into a pretty bad fight, as one of these friends was previously on OF and had been posting herself half naked, which I was not comfortable with. He claimed they were just going to get food and catch up but what he ended up doing was getting food and sitting alone with her in his car for 4 hours. On top of that he was staying with a couple other of his friends, and had asked if I was ok with him sharing a bed with one of his female friends, saying his back hurt and that she suggested they’d put a pillow between them. I blew up and yelled at him, I didn’t call him names but I was so upset. He cried and claimed that how I talked to him never left him. I’ve never yelled at him since and apologized profusely for making him cry.

Throughout our relationship we’ve had many fights, and I’ve tried my best to work through them. But I don’t know how to get past this. I love him so much, and anytime I get angry he shuts down. He claimed that he holds grudges, and it makes me frustrated because even when he had gotten me pregnant, or when he told me I made him want to kill himself, or when he yelled at me and called me names, or hung up on me when I asked him not to, or when he told me he couldn’t help me when I was upset, I never held a grudge. I Forgave him over and over because I knew he was doing it because he was hurting. And he’s holding a grudge because I was angry and yelled.

His therapist said that he may have unconsciously been trying to get back at me. But how do you do that to someone you love? I know if I leave it’ll hurt, and hopefully eventually I’ll heal. But I feel that leaving will hurt more than staying and hoping things change between us. I might be stupid but I just can’t think straight right now. We live in a small city, and I know seeing him will break my heart.
We’re still in contact, and I sleep with him every night. I’m on medication now for my depression and I have my first therapy session booked for tomorrow. I want so badly to be able to move past this but everytime I think about what he was sending to those girls, and what he was getting off to my heart just aches. How do you get over cheating? How do you let go of someone you’ve been to hell and back with?