Bf’s [22M] protective mum is making me [23F] feel uncomfortable
Hiya, just to give some context I (23f) and boyfriend (22M) have been dating for over a year now. We have a very wonderful healthy relationship, spend a lot of time together and are very open with each other and I love him very much. Last summer I met his mum for the first time, but it genuinely seemed from her first look at me, I just felt inside that she did not like me straight away. Since then, I feel like she has not warmed up to me and I don’t really see it getting any warmer. However, my boyfriend always reass
For some time, I get confused to if I’m overthinking or not, or whether she’s too protective to the point it’s quite intimidating. That’s why I’m asking for some advice and some of the stuff I’ve picked up on. I feel like any time I go round to his house to stay, as he’s not allowed at my house to sleepover because my dad is quite old fashioned, I feel so on edge with her and that she’s evaluating me. Sometimes the energy feels so tense and charged I feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, I can’t act like myself. Or sometimes when I just try and be myself, she slightly contradicts what I’m saying, little bit over time, it does impact my confidence and security within myself. It makes me feel like a little kid and that I’m not really doing anything right.
My boyfriend and his mum have a really close relationship, he’s even said he’s quite the mummy’s boy, but it’s quite hard to sometimes be in the room with them two. For example, I feel like I’m interrupting them. Or if she’s talking to us, she’ll just look at him mainly not me, so feels like I’m quite excluded out the conversations. Although these are small things, it just picks at me slightly.
Recently, something was brought up between his mum and I, when my boyfriend left the room. We were just having a conversation and she just told me he really loves me and that he has a big heart, and I find it quite awkward to be so open about my feelings around people I’m not so close to, however I responded saying that I love him very much too. Then she started asking that I wouldn’t hurt him? She asked twice, and I was like of course not. I just found this conversation quite strange because it makes me wonder if she is questioning my intentions with him, which is obviously get, because it’s her son, but I just don’t know if she trusts me being with him? She then followed that up with if he ever hurt me, it wouldn’t be done intentionally? Anyways, it’s just made me feel very on edge again. I know what my values and intentions are with him are, and to be asked a question like that makes me think again that I’m not good enough for her for him?
I’m trying to detach and focus on our relationship between my boyfriend and I, but I find it very hard to relax and be myself whenever I go round, and quite uncomfortable. It sometimes feels like I’m fighting for a spot to be a perfect girlfriend or I won’t be good enough.
I’m also worried over time it will get worse.
I’ve tried to subtly bring this up to my boyfriend, however he just sees it as her being protective and finds it lucky he has a mum that protective.
Just wondering what advice there is just to help me around this, as I’m moving back home from college soon, so I’ll be around his house much more
Tldr boyfriends mum protective habits around make me uncomfortable