Incenstual level desire
Last night, I was up all night scrolling through confession groups and I accidentally stumbled into a place where mothers were confessing their sexual desires for their own sons. I was shocked by how many people were active in there, just watching and reading. I stayed and read every single post, but only from the mothers' side.
The thought of the act itself is repulsive to me. It’s a complete breakdown of how things should be.
But I couldn't look away because I was fascinated by the sheer intensity of it. My brain is wired in a way where I don't have a middle ground, it’s either nothing at all, or it's everything. I’ve always hated boundaries and personal space because they feel like a wall that shouldn't be there. When I’m not completely connected or in sync with someone, I feel it physically. My muscles tighten and pull against my bones until my whole body just aches.
What I saw in those posts was a level of "action-crazy" hunger and unfiltered want that actually matches the volume of what I feel inside. It was a raw display of someone being completely consumed by another person, where every social rule and moral filter just burned away. I am disgusted by the subject matter, but I am obsessed with that level of desire. It’s a depth of "want" that makes the rest of the world feel thin and quiet.
It’s a strange thing to realize that while most of the world is playing it safe, there is this raw, all-consuming intensity happening in the dark.