I miss who I used to be.
I am 46, and have been experiencing so much sadness over ...everything lately.
But I think the main driver is that I miss who I used to be. At 35, I was on top of things - I was in a respected leadership position, our kids were thriving, and I knew who I was as a Mom, our marriage had more warmth and excitement, I felt confident in my purpose, in myself, in how others perceive me. I was more noticed, more sought after.
At 46, I feel completely distant from that woman, and it's been causing an unexpected, intense grief. I love who I used to be! And I really dislike the numb, passionless person I have become - a stranger in my own life who feels disconnected from everyone and everything.
Anyway. I don't really have a point in writing this down, except I need a place to say the things I can't say out loud in polite society.
This stage of life is brutal. I miss how alive and purposeful I used to feel, and how hopeful I used to feel about my life and its direction.
This sub has been an encouragement in demonstrating that none of us are alone as we find our ways through tough times. Love to all of you as we get through these days together!