u/Hot_Couple9516

Does anybody else feel like they genuinely like people… but can only handle people in doses?

I’ve been trying to understand myself more lately because on paper my life is moving in a good direction. I’m educated, career-focused, disciplined, driven, creative, physically active, and I’ve built a lot for myself over the years. But mentally, I’ve realized I get overstimulated very easily by people, attitudes, noise, energy shifts, tension, passive aggressiveness, fake personalities, constant negativity, pretentious behavior, bad customer service, unnecessary confrontation, and honestly just weird social dynamics in general.

Sometimes I feel extremely social. I want to travel, be in the city, network, create content, go out, meet people, experience life, laugh, flirt, and be around energy. Other times I want complete isolation. Silence. The outskirts. Nature. A reset. No texts. No calls. No expectations. Just me rebuilding mentally.

And the weird part is I genuinely love people at my core, but I also get irritated very quickly when I feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, emotionally poked at, or constantly surrounded by tension. I’ve definitely had moments where I’ve spazzed on people because I was mentally overstimulated or emotionally exhausted. Afterwards I usually feel bad because I know I’m not an evil person, but my nervous system genuinely feels overloaded sometimes.

I think people assume that because someone is intelligent, high functioning, accomplished, funny, attractive, disciplined, or “doing well” that they can’t struggle socially or emotionally behind the scenes. But some of us are constantly battling internal noise while still trying to function normally.

I also noticed I go through phases socially. Sometimes I’m extremely family-oriented and communicative. Other times I disappear for a while and recharge alone. It’s not always personal. I just mentally shut down sometimes.

I started taking Zoloft about a year ago, and honestly it helped me a lot. It slowed my mind down enough to better regulate my emotions and reactions. But even with that, I still feel deeply affected by environments and people’s energy. One rude interaction can throw my whole mood off for hours if I’m already overstimulated.

I moved to Atlanta thinking the environment would help me feel more alive, and in some ways it has. But weirdly enough, there are times I’ve felt mentally healthier in quieter states or slower environments.

I don’t even know if this is anxiety, overstimulation, introversion, emotional exhaustion, or just part of becoming more self-aware as I get older. Maybe it’s all of it at once.

Has anyone else experienced this constant push and pull between loving people and needing distance from them at the exact same time?

I’ve been reflecting on a connection in my life that I think I’ve outgrown, and I wanted outside perspectives because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m being overly sensitive or if my feelings actually make sense.

I met this person during a very vulnerable period of my life years ago. At the time, I was insecure, depressed, didn’t fully accept myself, and honestly just wanted comfort, familiarity, and someone that felt safe. We originally had a romantic/sexual connection, but over time I realized I didn’t truly feel emotionally aligned with them. Eventually the relationship ended, but we tried to stay friends.

The issue is that I’ve changed a lot since then. I’ve grown, traveled, matured, built a career, worked on myself mentally and physically, and I honestly don’t even identify with the version of myself that first met them anymore. But whenever I’m around this person, I feel pulled back into that old version of myself.

A lot of our tension comes from small things that build up over time. They’re very contrarian and argumentative by nature and even admit they sometimes intentionally provoke me because they know I get irritated easily. It feels like there’s always a need to disagree, challenge, correct, or comment on something I say or do. Sometimes it’s little things that sound petty when written out, but after a while it starts to feel emotionally exhausting. I’ll express that something bothered me, and instead of hearing me out, it turns into ‘you do the same thing’ or ‘you’re too sensitive.’

There’s also this weird dynamic where I feel constantly analyzed or minimized. If I talk about goals, business ideas, or things I’m building, it can feel dismissive or subtly competitive instead of supportive. If I don’t want to do something spontaneous, suddenly I’m “boring” or “too serious.” If I react to something that bothers me, I’m “doing too much.” It’s gotten to the point where I feel on edge around them instead of emotionally safe.

And I think the hardest part is realizing this connection may have only worked because of who I was at the time I met them. Back then I needed familiarity, validation, and stability. Now I think I’ve outgrown the dynamic entirely, but I feel guilty admitting that because they’re not necessarily a bad person. I just genuinely don’t think they’re my person anymore.

Has anyone else experienced outgrowing someone who was tied to a difficult chapter of your life? How do you know when it’s time to fully let go versus trying to maintain a friendship out of history, comfort, or guilt?”

What’s y’all’s opinion on this?

Little background: prior military, finished my bachelor’s before separating, currently working on my master’s. Earlier this year I took a federal admin/casework role because I wanted stability after getting out. The role itself honestly isn’t bad at all. It’s remote, flexible, low stress overall, and I actually enjoy office/analytical type work.

My dilemma is more about grade/pay progression. I had been in hiring processes with a few other agencies where I would’ve likely came in higher graded, but I ended up accepting a GS-5 role mainly because of the remote flexibility and work-life balance.

The position does ladder higher eventually, which is what made me take the gamble, but sometimes I still question whether I sold myself short starting that low considering my background and qualifications. I even tried negotiating with HR at the time and got nowhere.

What’s interesting is I’ve met multiple people in training who previously held much higher grades and still accepted this role because of the remote aspect alone, which surprised me.

For those already in federal service, would you stay put and ride out the ladder/promotion potential for a couple years, or pivot to another agency once you hit TIG? Curious how others would approach it.