u/Hot_Entrance_3696

I feel relieved but also the amount of shame that I feel is killing me. I masturbate to hardcore, degrading porn. It’s overwhelming especially when my hormones spike and I feel like a feral animal in heat. I was SA’d many times, in various forms and I associate arousal and sex with pain and humiliation. I’m in a relationship, long term, stable, full of love but it apparently doesn’t help.

So I compulsively masturbate to the sex slave scenario even though I know it’s re-traumatising and it doesn’t help me. I’m scared to go back and see my her. It’s overwhelming. Her reaction was neutral. I didn’t expect anything else but I want to sink into a hole or whatever. I can’t stand the shame…

I feel relieved but also the amount of shame that I feel is killing me. I masturbate to hardcore, degrading porn. It’s overwhelming especially when my hormones spike and I feel like a feral animal in heat. I was SA’d many times, in various forms and I associate arousal and sex with pain and humiliation. I thank myself for not entering any BDSM setting cause it’d fuck me up. I’m in a relationship, long term, stable, full of love but inside all I want is to be a sex slave and I know it’s trauma speaking.

So I compulsively masturbate to the sex slave scenario even though I know it’s re-traumatising and it doesn’t help me. I’m scared to go back and see my therapist. It’s overwhelming.