My GP said I should be screened for c-PTSD
Hey there everyone. I'm a middle aged guy from Australia. I've dipped in and out of this sub for support in the past (and to give support of course, it really does help your soul when you can help others).
I just wanted to know what everyone's experiences have been like with GP and then other mental health professionals regarding this?
I have bipolar type 2. (No need to read on if you don't want to).
No one needs an entire backstory but I really am struggling with holding the line of NC for my mother and LC with my father.
I've tried grey rocking in the past. I've tried NC and LC in the past, about 5-6 times I would say, and it's just rebounded back to a fractured version of what it was beforehand.
My younger sister - so much braver and smarter than me, went NC with literally everyone (including me, because I was still in contact with our parents) about 5 years ago. That's been ultra hard for me. But at the same time I am furious with our parents, and myself at times, for not understanding where my sister has been coming from, and where I should be coming from.
The brainwashing has been devastating, I think that's the appropriate word. And on top of that both parents I am still convinced 'mean well' (I can hear you screaming at me that they don't) but that they were utterly, unbelievably incompetent. On top of that our mother has BPD (not shared with us - had to find out though an ex husband of hers) and a TBI that occurred when I was 16 and my sister was 14 (apparently that shaped a lot of what she's developed into). I'm coping with this by channelling what she's like into an antagonist character in a book I'm writing.
My father we are convinced that he has high functioning autism. He's never been checked. But it's pretty clear he's on the spectrum and it's become a quiet joke in the extended family "Oh haha that's just how he is" - No. It shouldn't be. To show up for his kids, he should have taken some responsibility to get that looked at.
I'm at the point now where I have thrown away relationships rather than working through them. I am terrified that I am 'splitting' myself but have been told I don't have BPD myself, simply reflecting upbringing methods(?). I've always wanted to have children, but it's not happened. Now I see my cousins and their young children, and their happy families, and it makes me so upset and depressed.
I also work with children, and constantly need to pull myself up on remaining professional - following the rules in disciplining them and saying no to them - this is extremely hard for me.
This year though I dropped down to casual employment, then didn't get shifts. Then had major issues with where I was living, then became 'unhoused' or whatever they call it - I don't want to use the term homeless as it doesn't feel that way - but bouncing between places, friends/car/hotels and looking desperately for work while trying to cope with worsening bipolar.
I don't know what to do, where to go, getting caught in the trap of thinking long term to help for certainty, but then not being able to do that because I need to focus on grounding techniques and making it through the day.
I could go on, happy to talk in the comments.