u/Hot_Razzmatazz_8770

Hey everybody. I’m finally making the long overdue decision today to quit weed. I’ve been a habitual user since I was 17/18 and I’m 23 now. My senior year of college it got a bit out of control and my grades suffered because of it. I graduated nonetheless and have since decreased my use somewhat but I still smoke pretty much nightly. And there will occasionally be days where I’m high all day, which always leave me depressed. I’ve gone through short periods being off of it but I always pick it back up.

My mom died of cancer this past August and I’ve been living with my younger brother who’s a senior in high school. Our dad isn’t really in the picture. Though weed has always been a way for me to disengage from my reality and avoid confronting my emotions and/or responsibilities, my desire to partake has become amplified because of my intense grief and the stress that has come along with my changed circumstances. In particular, I’ve coupled the weed use with binge eating, which is also something I’ve always struggled with. I’ve become used to this being my escape. But I don’t want to escape anymore. I want to learn how to navigate my grief in a healthy way. I want to face the fact that I miss my mom an unbelievable amount. I want to process the year that she was sick. I want to see her in my dreams. I want to remember all the good moments with her. Actually, I want to remember things PERIOD.

I also want to go back to school for nursing and I can’t focus on that when my brain is fried. I know I have a passion for helping people but when I’m high my purpose feels muted (in addition to my intellectual capabilities). I love reading and writing and learning but I don’t do those things when I’m on a smoking streak. I want to move out of my hometown at the end of summer and start a fresh chapter elsewhere. Smoking is holding me back from starting the checklist to get there. I’m in a new relationship with someone I absolutely adore and who I am so in love with, who I want to be the best version of myself for because that’s what we both deserve. I want to be a good sister and support system for my brother, especially as he enters his first year of college. I don’t want to waste my potential. I want to get in shape again and feel good, healthy and strong in my body. I want to do things I enjoy and things that are productive instead of wasting time getting high or thinking about being high. I want to be a better and more present friend. I want to find peace in nature again. I want to do hard things. I want to be confident in who I am. I don’t want to keep sitting on my ass while life passes me by. I don’t want to take the privilege of being alive for granted. If not to myself, I feel it is a disservice to my mom to not make the most of each day I am here. Also, she would want me to take care of her daughter.

These are only SOME of the reasons why I need to quit. Basically, smoking weed is taking everything from me. I’m scared to quit for good, but I’m SO done with allowing it to control my mind and my life. I don’t even feel happy when I smoke anymore, I just feel…numb. It does me no favors. Posting this to hold myself accountable and maybe get some words of encouragement from my fellow quitters.

We got this 💪