u/HousingKender

I had to put my soul cat down 2 weeks ago and its been soul crushing ever since. For a time I was doing all right and prayed for guidance and to be shown I was worthy to have another cat.

That very day I saw a stray in my yard and I took it as a sign I was being told to move on from my little boy. The following day, I felt wonderful and went shopping with my mother and then I saw an ad for a kitten. I had a feeling I shouldn't have seen him but I wanted too badly.

He came and I adopted him instantly. A little fellow I was told was 9 weeks old, trained, had his shots, no fleas and was de-wormed and good to meet my 18 year old cat. I was thrilled. I bought him a bow tie and showed him to the family.

Sadly, within 5 hours of having him I noticed he wasnt quite right. He didnt look 9 weeks, his eyes where still blue and color had jist started to show. He struggled to eat the kibble I was told he would eat. I messaged the person over and over for more information and his shot records so I could stay on top of it.

The person blocked me. He had no records. Never saw a vet and was unsafe for my elder. Even worse he started to poop lots of blood with super soupy poops.

I broke down instantly. I couldnt handle a sick kitten after losing my baby to cancer. While the kitten was active I fell into a depression. I couldnt see the kitten as Fin, the name we gave him. All I could see was a sick kitten that reflected my sick baby boy I just lost.

I replased so hard into .grief and depression that my folks pulled me to the side and said I needed to rehome the baby if I could not function. I felt TERRIBLE and inconsolable. The little one cuddled me so tight that night that I sobbed.

I took him to my vet and told him what was happening. He suggested i take him to the local shelter that they partnered with and he could care for him there and helo find him a home through the Shelter. That it was probably best.

I sobbed when I handed him over. This tiny orange kitten that I failed like I failed to help my baby boy 2 weeks ago. I feel terrible for taking him like an irresponsible person. I want to go get him and take him home right now but I know I can't. Im not mentally stable and still so lost. Im in constant fear that me elder cat is gonna leave me any day and the poor baby added to my fears and disconnect rather then help me.

I feel like I didnt give him a chance after 48 hours and I should have tried harder. Opened my heart more but I couldnt stop thonking he would die. And now i cant stop thinking if the life we could have started. He looked ao much like my baby boy. I feel like i failed my cat if he had sent him my way.

My mom says that not all cats we find need us. That sometimes, we are just the vehicle to get them to their destination and sometimes, that destination isnt us.

The shelter said, he would be adoptable this Friday if everything went well and he wouls be the only adoptable ​​​​​cat/kitten they had. I keep checking their Facebook every other day to see if he appears....cause im so afraid he didnt make it...but they said they give all animals the best chance to live and find a home. Only the truly sick ones that are too gone they can't help...

Im so lost and having trouvle forgiving myself for my failure. Ive helped many kittens and dogs find homes in the past but this one...just hurts so terrible and I've been a mess since abd I know taking him back would only cause me more pain...but the idea that I could offer him all the love and a home makes me want to reach for him. give him another chance. But again, I know im not ready and now im so far back in my grief all over again, at step 1.

As many of you know, Ive lost my soul cat 2 weeks ago. And I miss him terribly.

Oh a whim with my mother, I took in a stray that a woman had that wasnt being adopted. Another orange male. Hes 9 weeks old and really a very lovely fellow. I was happy when we got him home the other day. But today, ive been nothing but depressed. When i look at him i see a stranger and i dont have that love ive always had for my boy and his fellow senior that i still have.

I had a break down today when he had run y and bloody poop (hes going to the vet tomorrow frist thing) my mother saw this and ive been upset all day. She thinks its best I rehome the baby. That maybe im not as ready as I had thought and maybe never will be.

Im mostly asking you all for advise and words of wisdom. I havent had a kitten in 12 years and he looks similar to my baby that passed away. Maybe I should not taken the orange baby?

Would ti be better if I rehome him? I cant inagine a life ​a life without a cat...but I feel so empty inside, even when I play with him. I dont know what to do.

I lost my baby Tuesday, April 28 at 5pm. His name was Delbert Macklehany and he was 12 years old, orange cat and my son. I had to send him across the Rainbow Birdge. On Friday, I had taken him to the vet for a teeth cleaning since he was drooling. They discovered he had two broken teeth and a jaw. At frist we thought it was a bad infection and we started treating him for it and planning to fix his jaw.

He improved in the anitbotics but when his xrays came back, they said they were 90% certain it was cancer. They weren't sure until a radiologist looked at it and...they found the star brust and his jaw....just...gone on one side.

I got to soend 3 days with him before he took a terrible turn for the worse. I rushed him to the ER and all they could donwas give him pain meds. The next morning I took him to the vet..they were running late so I dropped him off to sleep at in my car and at my friend's home.

They couldn't do anything for him and I had to make the call. Because even if he could recover he would have no jaw, be on a feeding tube his entire life and wait for a prosthetic jaw. I could not do that to him.

It hurts so bad to now have him. He was the light of my life. He greeted me every morning and when I got home. He enjoyed being carried like a baby and sleeping on his back next to me. He Mrr'd in greeting everyday and sat with me while I gamed with friends. He would even hit the buttons for me lol.

I miss him so much and i can barely eat. I blame myself for this even though i know its out of my control. There was nothing i could have done. But I regret not staying st the vets office that day. I regert sleeping.​ I honestly thought I would be bringing him home after a surgery. I made him a recovery bed and was ready. I got to send an hour with him before at the vets office before I had to let him go.

I pick up his Ashes next week.

Does this feeling of regret and pain ever go away? Im so devastated. I dont k ow what to do. Ive never had to do this before and I had hoped he would have passed from old age at home in his favorite place. But instead it was ar a clinic, in his favorite blanket and treat, as I rubbed his head and kissed him.

I dont know what to do now. I wish I could share photos of him.

How can I cope and move on? I just need some support and knowing I did my best. I feel like I failed him and worse.

Cancer sucks.