u/Human-Stranger-6807

I (26F) met my friend Jackie (26F) in grad school five years ago. Last July, I had to break my lease due to financial issues, and Jackie offered to split her 2-bedroom with me. I moved in, was added to the lease, and overall we had a decent 8 months as roommates.

Jackie is known for being bossy. I usually didn’t mind, but from the start there was a power dynamic. When I mentioned adding decor to the living room, she told me our styles didn’t match and that I could run ideas by her for approval before I add anything.

She also complained a lot—about me cooking, using the dishwasher or garbage disposal, using too many paper towels, and even how I handled taking off my shoes. I adjusted where I could and ignored the rest. It felt more like her personality than anything malicious, and over time I got used to it.

Lately, I haven’t been doing great mentally (stress at work + history of anxiety/depression), and I found that having fresh flowers helped. I put them in the kitchen so I’d see them coming and going.

Jackie had a Dior coffee table book in the kitchen as decor. Some pollen got on it, and she pointed it out. I thought it was surface-level and offered to clean it, but she declined and went to her room. I didn’t think much of it.

Weeks pass. I kept buying flowers. She complained occasionally, but it felt like her usual nagging.

One night, she woke me up to say she moved the flowers and didn’t want them in the kitchen anymore. Half asleep, I just said okay. The next morning, I saw them shoved in a corner and got annoyed. It felt unreasonable that the only thing I added to a shared space had to be approved, so I moved them back.

Later, after a stressful work meeting, I got a harsh text from Jackie saying that moving the flowers back showed I didn’t respect her, and she wouldn’t respect me going forward. I replied that she was out of line and that I pay $900/month and shouldn’t need permission to have flowers in a shared space.

She involved a mutual friend to mediate. That alone felt ridiculous. It was just flowers.

During the mediation, it became clear it wasn’t just about that. Jackie had been upset about the Dior book and felt I never properly apologized. I don’t remember being dismissive, but I acknowledged her feelings, apologized sincerely, and offered to replace it.

She responded by calling me weird, inconsiderate, and said I wasn’t capable of being a real friend. She said she wanted nothing to do with me.

That’s when I realized our friendship may not have meant as much to her as it did to me if something like this could end it. I had been a supportive friend—endlessly encouraging her in school, listening to her issues, and doing pretty much everything she asked. I also overlooked hurtful things, like her defending a friend using a gay slur in front of me (I’m gay) and her repeatedly using the common area to party with friends until 4-5 am and disrupting my sleep.

I’ve bought a replacement Dior book and hired movers. I’m moving out next week.

AITA?

I (26 F) met my friend, Jackie (26 F) in our grad school program several years ago and kept in touch. When I had to get out of my lease fast and was stressing about apartment hunting, Jackie offered to let me use her spare bedroom and we’d split the rent. It seemed like the ideal situation.

Jackie and I have pretty different lifestyles and personalities. I am a homebody, introvert and rarely have guests over. Every once in a while, Jackie will invite a bunch of people over to party until the wee hours of the morning.

I like cooking. Jackie prefers takeout and complains every time she smells food in the kitchen or when I used the garbage disposal or when I turn on the dish washing machine. She wants the kitchen to be basically a showcase room.

Jackie is welcome to eat any of my food or borrow any of my stuff, which she does fairly regularly. I am technically welcome to the same but I don’t usually reciprocate.

My biggest issue is that Jackie is very controlling. Everything around the house has to be exactly how she wants it at all times. The place setting on the kitchen table has to be just so. The pillows need to be exactly here. So on and so on.

All of the furniture and decorations are Jackie’s since she was here first. I’ve tried to add things here and there, like a throw blanket that matched her pillows or a pillow that I thought was cute, but she just moves them or throws them back in my room. It’s very frustrating and makes me feel like I’m simply a guest here and she’s just tolerating my presence.

I’ve been on a fresh flower kick. I think they look nice and they are a mood booster for me. I have been putting them on the kitchen table or counter as a pop of color. Sometimes Jackie will move them around or complain about them, but I’ve just ignored her.

A few days ago, I made a very beautiful flower arrangements and put it in the kitchen. Less than an hour ago, Jackie knocks on my door and tells me that she will not allow flowers in the kitchen anymore so they’ve been moved. She tried to phrase it like it was a suggestion but it was really just a demand—just saying how it will be rather than a question.

I am so beyond frustrated and am so over living with her. I pay just as much as she does to live here but this is not my home. She won’t allow it to be. I can’t even put flowers in the kitchen . I need to get out of here.

Am I overreacting?