How do I even go on
I am from India(important due to cultural context), I am 22 and wasted last 2 years by a mix of avoidance, dilly-dallying and procrastination while I should have been preparing for giving a career defining exam(which also I have chosen to pursue by myself with no pressure)
You all might have come across stereotypes of Indian parents and lemme tell you my parents are very far far away from that. The are very understanding and empathetic, never pressured me to do anything I didn't want, gave me space and resources to grow into my own individual.
People often say that some people don't deserve to be parents, how do I tell my parents that they don't deserve a piece of shit failure son like me. How do I tell them I have successfully wasted two whole precious years of my life. How do I tell them that I don't wanna study further for an exam which I chose for myself, never even put my 50 percent towards it, wasted their money and my time. I just feel killing myself would be the easier way out atleast they would be free of such a waste of space and a waste of resources kind of person I am. They truly don't deserve such a child. I sometimes hope i shouldn't have been born.
I wanna change my situation and overcome this setback, but I have no idea where to start from. Any advice would be appreciated.