I should have done things differently
Hi.
I basically did everything I thought I should have done in life. I studied a lot all through school. I wasn't convinced about university, but I did it anyway, because I "should".
I worked for years in shitty jobs and when the pandemic appeared, I found I really liked programming, so I went with that. But now the market is really different from the one I started and I'm worried that I will end up with no job and no chances to stay in the market.
I lost the chance to get two different citizenships because I thought I could not apply to them and got frustrated. Now that's not an option anymore.
And all through that, there was the idea of travelling, of living abroad, to live a lot of experiences that I never seemed to be able to match with university, my professional career, and some serious health problems.
And now? With my job on the line, with a bachelor's degree I don't care about and my health not in the best shape, I just grieve for the version of life I could have had if I had just taken those citizenships and could just start over and enjoy more of the real life experiences, not only the "shoulds". I wish I could just leave everything behind and start over on another country.