AITAH for doubling down on asking my coworker out?
I'm unsure of where to start. I (m18) met my coworker (m17) probably around 9 months ago, and I could tell that I admired him right off the bat. We quickly started getting along and I had this urge to make him as happy as I could, because it made me feel happy.
I never meet anyone, especially people I'm interested in, so I was very cautious of accidently forming an obsession. But months passed, and everything felt stable except for my growing admiration, I was scared to call it a crush but I guess it got to that point.
We started hanging out outside of work, and getting food together. The jokes became sexual, the playfulness became so physical to the point where he would be slapping my ass or rubbing my chest.
I told some people around me about the situation, like my sister and my best friend. They both said that it seems like he has a thing for me.
So one night after a day of hanging out, I worked up the nerve to ask him if he thought of me as anything more than a friend. This didn't go as planned, he said he doesn't see my like that and he's had poor experiences with relationships in the past. I was hurt, but respected everything he said.
I wish that was the end of it. A few weeks of awkwardness passed after that incident but we eventually started feeling normal again.
I recognize one of my biggest mistakes was during the talk, I said "I hope this doesn't change anything". Unfortunately, it did not change anything, and it should have.
We got back into the groove and my feelings were stronger than ever, and I couldn't help but feed into all the jokes and physical intimacy. We would have so many sincere moments where we both state our appreciation for eachother, and it would be so sweet.
Every time we saw eachother, things advanced. It got to the point of cuddling while stargazing, or stroking eachothers hair while cuddling in his truck, all the real cringe teenage "romance" stuff. He would sometimes call me things like his "sweet prince" or "blue eyed angel".
Several months had passed since I first spoke to him, and I felt like I needed to say something again.
So one night, after cuddling, I sat up and just said "I don't think this is healthy to keep doing platonically." I explained that he already knew how I felt about him, and that I've never behaved this way with someone who was "just a friend".
I asked him again, I said "is this all still platonic to you? Or is there ANYTHING else there?" He said that this is just how he usually acts with friends. I held myself together and went home, but texted him when I got there.
I explained that I was embarrassed, but needed to say something. He was deeply apologetic and said that he never meant to lead me on. (I never used the phrase "led on".)
I mentioned how painful it was, but I needed to set boundaries. So I made a list of things that we can't do anymore, and it was almost everything that I loved doing with him. He said it all sounded reasonable, and that he could comply, and that he was sorry again.
I said that I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to hear more about his thoughts and what he's feeling, but he hasn't replied since. That was a few days ago, and we have to see eachother again at work in 4 days.
This whole thing is taking a toll on me. I know I've made mistakes during this whole situation, but I don't know if I'm completely to blame or not.
Part of me is worried that it was disrespectful for me to ask if there was anything romantic about his feelings towards me after I already got an answer the first time, but I also feel like his behavior is unacceptable for someone who "doesn't feel that way" about me.
Also, this may be too late to ask, but I haven't dated anyone for several years and I was worried that 18 and 17 was too bizarre, and thats a whole different internal battle, but I just wanted to see if that was seen as normal?