u/HyperBlue62

I want to start by saying that my gf is genuinely an amazing person and I love her dearly. She has a ton of phenomenal qualities that I cherish. Nothing truly terrible happened, I just feel like I have slowly lost the desire and spark for her that I once had and I feel exhausted.

I’ll start with the good. She is kind, caring, loyal, our families love each other, and she’s absolutely beautiful. She’s a great cook and loves to do that for me (I pay for carryout nights and dates). So it’s not completely one sided, I just feel like I’m pulling more weight.

But there are key areas of the relationship where I have been unhappy for years and nothing has changed.

While being an amazing person, she can be irresponsible. She doesn’t pick up after herself. Laundry all over the place, forgets to put her dishes in the sink, doesn’t clean off the counter, leaves her personal effects in random places. Her car is also always a mess…She is an absolute angel of a person but based on what her parents have said she has always been this way. It seems so trivial to throw away a relationship over this but the messes stress me out. She blames it on ADHD but she is on medication so I feel like that’s a cop out. To her credit, she will do things like clean the bathroom sink, mop the floor, etc on occasion so its not like I do 100% of the housework.

Financially, she lives paycheck to paycheck and hasn’t saved any money in 4+ years despite me paying for the vast majority of things. With us now living together I pay for all expenses minus utilities, all of our dates…she still isn’t saving. I put a budget together for her 3 years ago to try and help but nothing changed. I had to put my foot down because she was borrowing money from me semi-regularly, this hasn’t been happening as often so there has been improvement but it’s frustrating that she is incapable of growing a savings account. She needed new tires this Winter, I bought them for her for Christmas because she couldnt afford them…but she has money to online shop, get lip filler and lash lifts. Her family is wealthy and I keep telling myself this wont matter in the future (she has a trust) but I cant help but think I might be happier with an independent woman who can take care of herself financially and knows the value of a dollar.

Im not sure when it happened but at some point it’s like I started viewing her as a dependent and not a partner. It’s so weird to explain it this way but it’s almost like I dont view her as a grown woman. Which has resulted in me losing sexual attraction and I just can’t seem to get the spark back despite loving her so much. With that said, she is the sweetest person I have ever met and treats me like gold in a lot of ways. She isn’t materialistic as you might assume, she’s down to earth but just buys a lot of stupid stuff. I feel bad for even posting this because she is my best friend and it feels like im betraying her but I also need to know if I’m overthinking or being too critical, I know nobody is perfect.

TLDR - Gf has a lot of great qualities and treats me like gold. But, she has some issues I am really struggling to overlook. Am I being overly critical?

Have you ever had an amazing partner who didn’t do anything terrible but you just had this feeling you weren’t happy anymore? A lot of days I feel like I’m living this giant lie, at the same time, the thought of us not being together somehow feels wrong. We’ve had 4 amazing years, helped each other through tremendous lows and truly love each other. Because of that, I can’t help but worry that breaking it off will be a mistake that I regret, even though I haven’t been truly happy or fulfilled for some time now.

These feelings didnt come about for no reason or out of the blue. We have areas where I feel we are incompatible (cleanliness, finances, emotional neediness). I find myself enjoying alone time more and thinking that life would be easier on my own where I can focus on my own self-improvement instead of using what little I have in my cup to pour into another person.

I guess it just feels like we are best friends living together without the burning passion of a romantic couple but I’m not sure I have the energy or desire to fix it…while at the same time being afraid to lose my best friend and someone who I love deeply.

I’ve been in my current role for 2 years. The first year was great, in hindsight it was probably the honeymoon period. The workload in my second year has been rough, our dept is very lean and I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. Additionally, im not enjoying the work. Its not mentally stimulating and very admin heavy in nature. The compensation is awesome but the work feels beneath me.

My plan was to approach our Director in June to let them know how im feeling and that I was interested in pursuing sales or investor relations.

Well…arguably the most integral member of our team put in their notice last week. It’s going to be brutal losing them. They have a ton of specialized knowledge and are truly irreplaceable imo. I know that i’ll be leaned on to learn a lot of their role but honestly I’m already drowning. And I have no desire to take over their role even though it’s a promotion…the work is very similar to what im doing now and I just dont love it.

An internal sales role opened up in my city and I think it’s a huge opportunity (relates to the AI and Data Center space). Fully remote, company car, etc. I’m a huge people/relationship person and have a feeling I’d really enjoy and excel in a sales role. However…I feel terrible going to my boss and telling them I’d like to apply given the timing. And from an optics perspective, I fear ill look like a “quitter” leaving the team at such a bad time.