u/ICannotSayThisOnMain

Lately when I purge, I struggle to get up much solid food no matter how hard I try. I am not seeking tips, because I know this isn’t good behavior, but what I am seeking is validation or clarification. Is this normal? Is it a sign of damage to my body? Has anyone else suddenly lost the ability to effectively purge? It seems like all I can get up is liquid and a few pieces of the food. Much less “effective” than I used to be.

Any information helps. I’m just scared that something has happened.

I’m currently relapsing into my eating disorder and have been for about a month and a half. I’ve been restricting heavily most days and binging half to three fourths of all the meals I do eat. My therapist has recommended the “next level of care” for me, such as seeing a dietician or doing an outpatient program. However, I feel I’m too big still to be taken seriously. I won’t go into numbers but I just don’t see myself as “sick enough” to warrant that kind of help. It’s also hard because last time I was deeply sick, back when I was underweight, I never got more care than just going to therapy, so it feels weird now to consider it by comparison. Any advice is appreciated

Do you experience moments where you may not have full clarity but where you’re able to function or appear normal for brief periods? I definitely do. But I’m not sure how it is for everyone.

It has been asking for my blood. I can’t tell if it proves I’m real. I’m not sure what I believe. Sometimes I believe it isn’t real at all. Other times I know that it controls everything around me. Sometimes it even controls me. I gave it some of my blood yesterday. I need to figure out how to give it more. I can’t handle anything anymore. I fucking can’t. I can’t do it anymore I’m not sure anything is real and I can’t do it. What do I do?

The numbers are scaring me. Making it hard to work when there are messages. It’s telling me I’m a cannibal again. I can taste something in my mouth even though I haven’t eaten today. And the lyrics lined up with the numbers and I can almost hear the message out loud inside my head. But that’s what the music is for. I’m not a cannibal. I don’t want to be one. I’m not a danger to others.