I fucking hate horses. Fingerlegged bitches. I would eat a horse, not out of hunger, but to assert my dominance. Horses marked the beginning of the end for Mother Nature. The first one crawled out of her decomposing cunt, splitting her carcass in half and leaving third degree burns as it scorched everything it touched in hellfire. She's gone now. All because of fucking horses.
I feel like an alien. I don't know if my autism underwent mitosis during one of my 16 hour naps, but I truly cannot find a person who can relate to me in any meaningful way. That being said, people are drawn to me. If anyone here doesn't ghost me after sending their first message, I can guarantee at the very least that you'd find me interesting. That's the one thing people say, is that I'm "interesting", or "unique". It's a mundane observation to make, but to me those words hold way more weight than they deserve to. Where are the other aliens at? Am I the only one? Should I set up shop in another solar system? I apologize that I'm not really advertising my traits here or anything and just giving a vague explanation as to why I think I'm "special", if that's how you're reading this. I just feel more like venting today than actually putting in effort to find love. Whoever wanders into my DMs from this are free to pry further though.
"Looking for my partner in crime", "Looking for something real", "*insert elaborate sounding cliche*" like, what? Why is this what online dating is? I'm not taking jabs at anyone on here, this is the norm and I can't fault anyone for it. But it doesn't mean I can't get tired of it. I'm just talking. Same way I would talk to someone in real life. Why does everyone mask online? Spending so much time in one community makes you adopt the mannerisms of others, and it just keeps incestuously folding in on itself over the years until we sound like robots.
Anyway, that aside, I'm lonely. I'm sure all of us here are. I'm going to list random traits and you decide what picture you want to paint in your head of who I am:
- Autistic
- Socially ret@rded (there's a filter on this sub) but academically gifted
- Cats
- I once dropped my pants in front of the doctor as soon as he entered the room, I forgot we were going to do a brief checkup first
- Add me on Pokemon Champions, for the love of god I need a testing environment please
- Cats
- Actually a really sweet, emotionally available guy, don't want that first paragraph to give you the wrong idea
- I love deep thought experiments and rabbit holes. Like, actually mind bending stuff, not just shower thoughts or armchair philosophy
- There's one very specific archetype of girl I've had a lot of chemistry with in the past, and the only way I can describe it is "Short, sarcastic, clever, unusually assertive, would corner me and make me feel small, has a thing for crystals and works at Taco Bell." Not a requirement in any way, but if that's you, please poke fun at me if we end up flirting
- Cats
- Parents love me
- Memorized Pi to 160+ digits, more coming soon
- 5'9, depending on how willing I am to stand up straight
- Not necessarily fat, still under 200 pounds but if it's not your type, it's not your type. I hide it well. I don't mind people up to my weight class, either.
- Generally respectful human being, why is that so hard for people
- For the reason stated immediately above this line, I don't really like other men. I hope I get downvoted or hate messages from all of them. Bunch of primates.
- cats
Just wanted a title that sticks out. My 5% is not an invitation, apologies. But anyways, I'm just going to thought dump here since I'm tired of this masking thing we all do online where we try to advertise ourselves as more formal and less natural than we are in real life. I prefer to talk like a person. And no, this isn't some "I want to appear quirky so I stand out" kind of thing. I want to stand out by reminding you all that we don't act like this. We're apes. I don't think if anyone meets each other on here and have a phone call that they're gonna be like, "Hello, my name is ___, these are my hobbies and preferences, I look forward to meeting you!" Nah, you're gonna be awkward and forget how to talk for a moment, someone will say something interesting or make you laugh, and you'll both ease up assuming you click.
I'm just gonna start schizoposting my traits and go on tangents about them:
I'm allergic to cats but I think my body has adapted over the years, there's not a cat on this planet I won't obsess over. I'm pretty good with animals and their limited way of expressing themselves. Though there was one little guy I couldn't really help. He liked me to some extent, but he ended up hiding from the other cats under my bed and pissing everywhere. So we had to take him to someone who was committed to owning a single cat. I think his name was Sparky, or Sammy? It's been a while.
My personality ranges from... whatever this is, to being overly technical and analytic, to the point where you'd probably tell me I have a stick up my ass and that I need to stop thinking so hard, to a geriatric curmudgeonly old man because I'm in pain all the damn time, to maxing out my autism and saying the most off the wall and absurd string of words you've ever heard in your life. I don't like that this paragraph was one entire sentence. So I'm adding some filler here. I could probably fix my comma usage but I don't see a way out considering that was a list. I think five sentences is good.
I have an identity crisis relating to my intelligence, I go back and forth between feeling like I'm not good enough and being genuinely terrified of myself. I was one of those "gifted" kids or whatever. Full, coherent English at the age of two, idiosyncratic abstract visualization to do math problems, freakish memory, the whole package. I don't think I want to explain it all here, but if you ever want me to give you an existential crisis bordering on psychosis, let me know. I'll say something wild. And not the kind of existential crisis that armchair philosophers give you, like "Life doesn't matter, we're all just stardust"- blah blah blah. No. I can't stress enough that I'm just trying to give a character description rather than just brag and inflate my ego. Don't take it that way. On that note, moving on.
I once made a really funny joke at a really bad time before sex, and the consequences were worth it.
I can't remember anything with a degree of specificity beyond "This is where I was" from the years 2002-2011. I assume trauma or something.
I have Pi memorized up to 160+ digits. I kind of fucked up my mnemonics with the last chunk though so I've been too pissed to continue. I would have LIKED to have memorized ten digits at a time because that's easy, but I accidentally did 11 because "48111745028" was too awkward to break down if I dropped the 8 at the end.
I think this is enough, I shouldn't make the post any longer. Nobody's gonna read all of that.
Edit: Autistic. So if you had any second guesses about the way I'm presenting myself or made any assumptions as to what my thought process was during any of this, I could not have been more literal and transparent about it.
From PNW, USA.
If you see this post weeks or months from now, chances are I still haven't found what I'm looking for, feel free to send a message. I'm leaving it up until then.