I left my ex for practical reasons, but now I wonder if emotional compatibility matters more
Hi. I'm 24 [F] from Manila.
I hope I attract good people who will bring appropriate comments. Amen.
Was my mindset for leaving my ex back then right or wrong?
Is it wrong to feel doubt about my current relationship because of what he gives me emotionally?
25 [M] PAST: Me and my LDR boyfriend were in a relationship for almost 4 years. We’ve already been broken up for 2 years now. He’s Asian (won’t specify his nationality).
(I’m a pure Filipina.)
24 [M] CURRENT: He’s also Filipino. Cold, serious type of guy. Okay naman kami, but overtime I realized we may not be emotionally compatible.
For example, when I need comfort or affection, he still becomes defensive during conversations even when I already hinted that I just need reassurance.
(He was my friend who became my boyfriend. Both of us fell for each other after my LDR relationship.)
Anyway...
My reasons for breaking up with my LDR ex:
- Emotional needs / NEEDS in a relationship
Overtime, I wasn’t contented anymore with just chatting and calling for almost 4 years. Just saying “I love you” through phones.
(We were both broke so we couldn’t afford to meet each other, and both of us were still students during our relationship.)
There were also times I felt jealous or envious of girls who receive flowers or gifts from their boyfriends.
(Which I know he couldn’t give because he was financially struggling too, and I understood that. His parent was already retired while he was still studying.)
- I realized it was impractical to continue the relationship.
(I was just starting my career + I got sick after graduation + I was VERY ANXIOUS about helping my parents pay debts + overthinking my future career.)
- Someone influenced me to choose my friend instead — the one who was always there for me.
(Disclaimer: I didn’t just depend on influence alone. I genuinely developed feelings for him over time.)
I felt like our dreams and future plans were becoming mismatched.
Especially because I was overthinking my career and the possibility of migrating to his country in the future (which used to be our plan).
- I felt like it was a huge gamble.
(Considering all the things I mentioned above + during the early years of our relationship, he micro-cheated 3 times. He kept adding random girls and there was a time he chatted them.)
Although he changed. REALLY, HE DID CHANGE FOR GOOD. He became more loving and treated me right.
Realization: I regret leaving him. 💔💔💔
But that doesn’t automatically mean I want him back. There’s just still a small part of me that misses him sometimes.
The way he treated me, reassured me, and stayed clingy even virtually while we were LDR.
The way he comforted me during the saddest moments of my life back then.
He was there for me emotionally even though he didn’t have much financially.
Sometimes, once a month, I suddenly remember him. Sometimes I still dream about him and the dreams feel so real.
There are times I stalk his account because I get curious about how he’s doing and hope he’s okay.
But at the same time, I know it’s already over. We’re no longer together. All I can do now is cry sometimes and feel regret.
It’s not that I necessarily want him back.
I don’t want to compare my ex and my current boyfriend.
But my ex:
(He understood me emotionally so deeply even if we were LDR.)
My current:
(He knows me... but he struggles to give my emotional needs.)
Example: sometimes he argues with me first before comforting me, even when he’s the one at fault.
And usually, he’s not the affectionate type in chats. When he’s stressed, he also becomes irritable towards me.
Even so...
I still value and focus on my CURRENT boyfriend.
But I’m afraid of becoming unhappy in the long run because of his temper and my emotional needs.
So again, my questions are:
• Was my mindset for leaving my ex back then right?
• Is it wrong to feel doubt about my current relationship because of what he gives me emotionally?
(May I know your gentle opinions please?)