u/IWannaSuckATwinkDick

I have OCD. And autism, also maybe ADHD too, I don't know.

I sleep 10 hours, not because I really need it, I wake up after 8, but I'm paranoid of not being well rested enough.

I take at least an hour and a half to make my food for the day, because it doesn't matter if the dishes are clean in the cabinet, I don't trust it, so I clean all of them by hand.

I make a protein shake, (strawberies, almond milk, sunflower lecithin, coconut oil, and WPI.) I hate it but I drink it fast so it's not that bad. I have to take digestive enzymes because my stupid pathetic stomach can't handle food apparently.

I make a grilled cheese sandwich, gluten free, dairy free cheese. It tastes okay but I don't really like it.

I make corn and sesame seeds, it's fucking disgusting but I have to eat it anyway because fiber is important.

I make a second smoothie, the same as the first but with peanut butter instead of WPI. It's gross but oh well.

At about 5 - 6 hours on a good day, I'll have finished my food, after about 6 - 7 (67😂) it might have finished digesting enough to actually go and do something else.

Up next is my shower, which takes about 3 - 4 hours. Yes, 4 hours spent in the shower, because if I'm not hygienic I hate myself.

I then spend about an hour washing my feet in buckets next to my bed (my feet got dirty walking from the shower to the bed), and clipping my nails, which typically draws blood because if they're not short they're unhygienic.

At this point, I don't have much left to do, so I do nothing. It's dark and I don't have any motivation to do anything or go anywhere, so maybe I'll sleep earlier and get 12 hours of sleep instead.

If I somehow changed all this, I'd still need a job, and I have zero employable skills. I could learn stuff online but I'm too pathetically lazy. At this point I don't even know if I want to die or keep living. I don't really have any hope for the future. I'm not suicidal because I have a mom that would be sad, but I still struggle to see a life for me.