u/IamNotaSmart

My wife told me she wants to separate after a fuck up on my part. Long story short I was out of town for work, my curiosity got the best of me, and I was sextorted by a scammer in a chat room. It’s not my proudest moment, but here we are. Everything I said and did in that chat was sent to my wife.

Like most of you long term married folks, sex life as of recent has declined, as well as affection from my wife. It’s almost like we are roommates living in the same house with our kids.

My wife did something similar a few years ago, less the sextortion, but I caught her masturbating with a stranger online. I forgave her and we moved on.

I worked a very stressful job in commodities trading and was very much a high functioning alcoholic. In 2021 I quit this job after 7 years, went to rehab, was paid 6 months garden leave and got sober. I have since stayed sober almost 5 years now but my wife still drinks everyday. I can’t stay up with her past a certain point in fear of her turning a 180 on things we’ve already worked through and discussed. She gets very drunk sometimes, annoys me and the kids, a few times has been verbally abusive in front of the kids and wakes up like it was cute or something. It’s very much the opposite. My career has since excelled, working for a major oil company and now private equity.

It feels as though my issues far outweigh her own in terms of affecting our marriage. No matter how hard I work on my self another mistake adds to what feels like her misery in our relationship. I may be reading this all wrong but it’s hard to know exactly how she feels because it fluctuates with her drinking. I’ve brought it up to her, but it’s “her way to relax” which isn’t very relaxing for me. The drinking has been almost nightly less the pregnancies and one time training for a body building competition.

I’m just tired. Tired of stressing about finances. Tired of stressing if I’m doing everything I need to for her. Tired of stressing if I’m going to fuck it all up again? Just fucking tired. Not sure what else to do, but I sometimes dream about just going home to a house and her not being there. I don’t fantasize about being with anyone else, but just living a life where I’m no longer being put in a corner like I’m some terrible person because I know I’m not!

Anyways. Thanks for listening!

I picked up smoking weed again the last few years after reaching sobriety from alcohol. I was in a terrible place, physically addicted but glad to report I’m almost 5 years free of alcohol!

My wife comments every now and then that I only replaced one addiction with another. I tend to disagree, as I don’t need weed to function during the day, and only smoke after work or on the weekends.

I’m having a bit of an existential crisis and issues at home that are having me contemplate quitting for a long period of time. My kids are getting older and I don’t want anymore backlash from my wife regarding my personal choices to relax. I’m not lazy, I mow my yard every week, cook dinner a few times a week, try my best to help around the house, etc. I have a great life, but just have a gut feeling that I need to back off the weed and live a life with a clear mind.

Anyone else going through anything similar? 39m, maybe a midlife crisis idk, but struggling with the idea at the moment. Venting over.