u/Icy-Ad9001

For context I 19(F) am the 1st born in a family of four kids. That being said, my parents expect me to look after everyone and clean after everyone and to make sure the house is spotless.(We have no helper). Its much worse now since I am done with high school. They say your siblings did everything for you when you had exams, which is not true since we work with duties at home, so now I have to be the maid and drop the duty system. The problem is, besides wanting me to be a maid, they also expect me to be a super smart genius, so they went ahead and signed me up for 2 computer science courses whilst I am waiting to go to Uni. I get projects to do everyweek and I go to the school 5 times a week.(projects contribute to final score). As I am writting this I am behind with 3 projects all because as soon as I get back from school, I have to clean and cook and sometimes iron so im usually tired and cant stay up late to finish projects. The other 2 days are labelled laundry days where my sister and I handwash everyone's clothes. Problem is my sister is writing public exams now so they said I should stop being selfish and lay her off all duties! I am so heartbroken cause its not the first time they are calling me selfish and now I genuinely feel like an evil sister. I cannot afford to fail the courses cause they were expensive. My parents are present but do not care about mental health whatsoever, they are always shouting, every.single. day. And its usually about how we will never get married and how we are not good enough or clean enough so bad spirits are going to follow us. We get beaten when they are in bad moods, for stuff like not polishing shoes or closing windows. This has affected me mentally and my relationships as well as I am in a constant state of depression and panic. I cannot be around them for long and feel uncomfortable if I am. It makes me feel so guilty since I do want a bond with them. I cannot really talk about it with anyone cause everyone keeps saying thats how parents are