u/Icy-Chemical3877

I (31M) have been with my wife (35F) almost 7 years, married for several, and we're raising two kids together.

I'm a transgender man (FTM). From the start, my wife's mom has never accepted me because of it. As a result, I'm regularly excluded from holidays, birthdays, family dinners, and other gatherings. My wife and our kids are invited, but I'm expected to stay home.

What hurts most isn't even her mom anymore—it's my wife. She might mention that I'd like to come, but if her mom says no, that's the end of it. She still takes the kids and goes. She's never said, "If my husband isn't welcome, neither are we."

Even our kids have said they wish I could come too.

For context, my mom passed away, and I don't have family where I live. I hoped that when I got married, I'd finally have a family again. Instead, I feel constantly reminded that I'll never truly be part of theirs.

Now it's happening again for the Fourth of July. My wife's sister is visiting, and her mom invited my wife and the kids over, but not me. The excuse this time is that her boyfriend either will be there or might stop by, and apparently he also has a problem with me being transgender.

At that point, I walked away and told my wife I didn't want to hear about another family event I'm not welcome at.

I understand no one has to invite me into their home. This isn't about forcing myself into someone's house. It's about my wife continuing to attend gatherings hosted by people who openly exclude me for who I am.

If my family refused to invite my wife because of her race, religion, sexuality, or any other part of who she is, I wouldn't keep showing up. I'd stand by my spouse.

So, AITA for walking away and feeling hurt? Should my wife be setting boundaries, or am I expecting too much? What would you do?

I (31M) have been married to my wife (35F), who I'll call "Sarah," for several years. We've been together for almost seven years and are raising two kids together.

For some background, my mom passed away, and I don't really have any family where I live. Sarah's family is basically the only family nearby.

The problem is that her mom has never accepted me because I'm transgender (FTM). She made that clear from the very beginning. Because of that, I'm regularly excluded from family gatherings. I'm not invited to Thanksgiving, Christmas, family dinners, birthdays, or other events. Instead, my wife and our kids are invited while I'm expected to stay home.

What hurts the most is that Sarah doesn't really stand up for me. She might mention it once, but if her mom says no, that's the end of the conversation. She still takes the kids and goes anyway. She has never drawn a boundary by saying, "We're a family. If my husband isn't welcome, then none of us are coming."

Even our kids have told her they wish I could come too.

Now the Fourth of July is coming up. Sarah's mom picked up her sister (the kids' aunt), who's visiting from out of town and wants to see the kids. Her mom told Sarah that she and the kids are welcome to come over, but I'm not. The excuse this time is that her boyfriend either will be there or might stop by, and apparently he has a problem with me being transgender too.

At this point, it doesn't even matter what excuse they use. It's always something. The result is always the same: I'm excluded because of who I am.

This isn't about me wanting to force myself into someone's house. I understand nobody has to invite someone they don't want into their home. What hurts is that my own wife continues participating like this is normal. Every holiday and family event, I'm left sitting at home by myself while my wife and kids go celebrate with people who openly discriminate against me.

I can't imagine allowing my spouse to be treated this way. If my family refused to invite my wife because of her race, religion, sexuality, or any other part of who she is, I wouldn't keep showing up like nothing was wrong. I'd tell them they either respect my family or they don't get access to us.

Instead, I feel like I'm constantly being told that keeping the peace with her mom is more important than standing beside her husband.

I've tried explaining how hurtful and isolating this is, especially since I don't have my own family anymore. Instead of feeling like I gained one through marriage, I feel like I'm constantly reminded that I'll never truly be part of theirs.

So... AITA for feeling hurt and believing my wife should stand up for me instead of continuing to attend family gatherings that I'm excluded from simply because I'm transgender?