u/Icy-Conversation9532

Is this abusive?

So I \[40F\] have been with my partner \[49M\] for 2 years. We got together after knowing each other for a while and both just ending long term relationships. It’s been tough! I have two kids, 8 and 10 and he has one who is 15. They all get on great and the kids seem to love us too. My partner is a hot head and very emotional. It’s hard to describe here but when there is something he doesn’t like I get the cold shoulder. He regularly raises his voice and shouts at me when this happens. Somethings I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong and o wrack my brain trying to work out what’s upset him. He’s very jealous of my ex, the father of my kids. Any mention of his names seems to set him off. He regularly accuses me of having too much of a relationship with him, tells me I’m being too friendly and nice to him. He goes through my phone and gets annoyed at things he’s read and then goes off on one. He often shouts and hits things when he loses it. He will always apologise after and say how much he loves me and that it’s because he loves me soooo much, too much that it sends him nuts. He lost it once in front of the kids and broke the kitchen cupboard in anger. This kids were hiding in the front room crying. I made him leave after this and we weren’t together for while. Then he begged me and told me he’s changed and he’d go to therapy. Things did get better for a while but recently these episodes have started getting worse and more frequent. This evening was rhetorical worst. We had a couple of drinks in a pub garden, he drove home and we started to have a discussion about my daughter’s dental work! He thought I’d dismissed his opinion and started really shouting at me, so much so he made me cry. Whilst this was happening he started driving really fast and erratically. It really scared me and I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I got him to stop so and I asked him to get out of the car and leave but he wouldn’t. He started apologising and saying he was sorry but that i had made him angry and hadn’t listened to him. In the end he did apologise and said how he should never treat me like that and never shout and scare me. Now I don’t know what I’m meant to do. We’re supposed to be buying a house together soon and the kids love him. But I don’t think my life should be like that.

Is this abusive?

So I [40F] have been with my partner [49M] for 2 years. We got together after knowing each other for a while and both just ending long term relationships. It’s been tough! I have two kids, 8 and 10 and he has one who is 15. They all get on great and the kids seem to love us too. My partner is a hot head and very emotional. It’s hard to describe here but when there is something he doesn’t like I get the cold shoulder. He regularly raises his voice and shouts at me when this happens. Somethings I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong and o wrack my brain trying to work out what’s upset him. He’s very jealous of my ex, the father of my kids. Any mention of his names seems to set him off. He regularly accuses me of having too much of a relationship with him, tells me I’m being too friendly and nice to him. He goes through my phone and gets annoyed at things he’s read and then goes off on one. He often shouts and hits things when he loses it. He will always apologise after and say how much he loves me and that it’s because he loves me soooo much, too much that it sends him nuts. He lost it once in front of the kids and broke the kitchen cupboard in anger. This kids were hiding in the front room crying. I made him leave after this and we weren’t together for while. Then he begged me and told me he’s changed and he’d go to therapy. Things did get better for a while but recently these episodes have started getting worse and more frequent. This evening was rhetorical worst. We had a couple of drinks in a pub garden, he drove home and we started to have a discussion about my daughter’s dental work! He thought I’d dismissed his opinion and started really shouting at me, so much so he made me cry. Whilst this was happening he started driving really fast and erratically. It really scared me and I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I got him to stop so and I asked him to get out of the car and leave but he wouldn’t. He started apologising and saying he was sorry but that i had made him angry and hadn’t listened to him. In the end he did apologise and said how he should never treat me like that and never shout and scare me. Now I don’t know what I’m meant to do. We’re supposed to be buying a house together soon and the kids love him. But I don’t think my life should be like that.

So I (F40) been with my partner M49 for two years. We got together after knowing each other for a while and both just ending long term relationships. It’s been tough! I have two kids, 8 and 10 and he has one who is 15. They all get on great and the kids seem to love us too. My partner is a hot head and very emotional. It’s hard to describe here but when there is something he doesn’t like I get the cold shoulder. He regularly raises his voice and shouts at me when this happens. Somethings I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong and o wrack my brain trying to work out what’s upset him. He’s very jealous of my ex, the father of my kids. Any mention of his names seems to set him off. He regularly accuses me of having too much of a relationship with him, tells me I’m being too friendly and nice to him. He goes through my phone and gets annoyed at things he’s read and then goes off on one. He often shouts and hits things when he loses it. He will always apologise after and say how much he loves me and that it’s because he loves me soooo much, too much that it sends him nuts. He lost it once in front of the kids and broke the kitchen cupboard in anger. This kids were hiding in the front room crying. I made him leave after this and we weren’t together for while. Then he begged me and told me he’s changed and he’d go to therapy. Things did get better for a while but recently these episodes have started getting worse and more frequent. This evening was rhetorical worst. We had a couple of drinks in a pub garden, he drove home and we started to have a discussion about my daughter’s dental work! He thought I’d dismissed his opinion and started really shouting at me, so much so he made me cry. Whilst this was happening he started driving really fast and erratically. It really scared me and I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I got him to stop so and I asked him to get out of the car and leave but he wouldn’t. He started apologising and saying he was sorry but that i had made him angry and hadn’t listened to him. In the end he did apologise and said how he should never treat me like that and never shout and scare me. Now I don’t know what I’m meant to do. We’re supposed to be buying a house together soon and the kids love him. But I don’t think my life should be like that. Shouldn’t the person who is meant to love you make you feel safe? Am I overreacting?