I was in an intense relationship for the last month and she blindsided me with a breakup. I am completely shaken to my core and my nervous system is out of wack. It makes no sense. How to process this?
I [37/M] was in a intense 1 month situationship/relationship with her [33/F] for 1 month. First date was amazing, lots of laughs. She ended up holding my hand at the table. After the date we were making out in the parking lot and she told me she wanted to see me that weekend.
Every date since then was great. Lots of making out, hand holding, hugging, joking. We would go out to dinner, walk her dog, etc.
We would text everyday, send each other good morning and good night texts, she was already calling me "Hun" with kissing emoji's, etc.
We would hang at each others places. We had sex twice.
Last week, I asked her to be exclusive and she agreed. I deleted all my dating apps.
This past Saturday we drove into the city together because I was meeting up with a friend, and she was meeting up with her friend.
The plan was after our meets she would uber where I am and then we would walk the city together. She did uber, but when she arrived she stated she was tired and wanted to head back home.
As we pulled up to her place, she asked me to park on a different street, and then told me we needed to talk. She said the relationship wasn't working for her.
We ended up sitting in the car for close to 2 hours just talking but I never got a straight answer as to what was wrong. She initially stated it was distance, but I knew that was BS because I only lived half an hour away. She mentioned that on our first date, I caught her at a vulnerable time.
There was a moment a few weeks back where she had to cancel a date saying she didn't feel well. It turned out that was a lie, she cancelled because she wasn't sure about us, but then decided to keep going and lie that she was sick.
We eventually came to an agreement to take things slower, and she ended up inviting me inside still. That night the affection was still there, hugging, kissing, etc. We walked in the park and watched a show at her place.
The next day (Sunday) she said we could hang out and walk her dog. When I showed up the vibe was completely different. No affection, conversation was awkward. We hung out at her place, where she made me lunch. There was a moment where I was messing around with a guitar in her living room, and she came over to me and kissed me.
When it was time for me to go home, she said she still had the same feelings and it wasn't going to work for her.
I ended up getting a text on Monday night with her telling me that she truly cared deeply about me, and that being around me made her happy, safe, and cared for, but that she wasn't able to develop the romantic certainty that a long term relationship deserved. She truly tried to lean into it, but it just couldn't develop. That she got more friend feelings than romantic.
It just truly shakes me to my core.
In my previous relationships, things started very similar. Lots of intimacy, spending time with each other, hanging at each other's places. But if it got to that point, it was pretty clear that they were into you, and wanted a relationship with you.
In this situation, we did all the same stuff, she even led me to believe that she wanted to be excursive, yet the entire time she wasn't sure about me? And we had all that intimacy and she still didn't develop romantic feelings? It just doesn't make sense in my brain.
She would even future plan things, and send me texts after every date about how she can't wait to spend more time together, etc.
How do I know that if things develop similarly in the future that the person isn't going through the motions?
How do I know that the person actually finds me physically attractive and isn't just pushing through it or faking it because I treat them well?
I've had relationships that lasted longer than this that hurt way less. This one completely threw me into a loop.
I was even telling my friend that I was hanging with how amazing I think she is and that I am so excited for the future together, only for it to come crashing down 2 hours later.