u/Icy-Rule-4801

im gonna educate yall real quick and i hope this reaches a lot of people, cause there is just too much excessive negativity and ignorance in this sub. please take the time to read through this.

there is way too little positive productive acknowledgment and education on this virus, and way too much stigma and naive perspectives. that is ultimately what leads people to getting it, and also finding it hard to live with, so these are some things i wish i knew. lets think critically and realistically here.

firstly, the stigma about this is a stereotype. the suffering this comes with is mostly psychological conditioning. yall are arguing over whos worth more cause of which strain you have. ITS A VIRUS. stereotypes and generalizations are never reasonable or realistic in any context, neither are people’s egos or pride. realistically, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, and this goes for literally everything, we are all equally human and impressionable, trying to figure out this life. herpes is a common physical human condition you can get by chance just like any other contagious condition, its not a personality trait. a lot of people are just in pursuit of human connection when they get it, which is normal! life is more complicated than most people wanna admit. people like to dumb things down to black and white to make it easier and more validating for themselves, but everything is case by case. we cannot know how to navigate everything, thats the whole point of trial and error, which is inevitable for EVERYONE. a common, easily contracted virus you cannot control does not automatically define a person. i am 23(f), im a musician, i have many hobbies, i love and care for people very deeply and ive only ever slept with 5 people, all but one were long term relationships. i contracted oral and genital through S/A and abuse. i currently have an amazing, smart, talented boyfriend who has a lot in common with me and loves me unconditionally. i am not a “dirty gross unlikable person”, i was abused and betrayed and now i get bumps on my skin sometimes. my father also has HSV2 from being cheated on by his ex wife! not his fault and doesnt define him! my mother still loves him unconditionally and theyve been together my whole life! guess what? i went through the processing of the abuse and blaming myself and regret and grief, thats what got me here! i am more enlightened and ive learned to not take anything for granted and to love even deeper than i already did!

secondly, this virus doesnt present itself exactly how its portrayed online. SHINGLES from chickenpox is a form of herpes virus. it can occur in your eyes, your fingers/hands, and in extremely rare cases causes a brain infections. this sounds scary but literally any infection can be serious in immunocompromised people. this virus is not serious, it just causes bumps on your skin and can seriously mess with your ego. most people dont know they have any kind of herpes cause it usually is dormant due to your immune system keeping it at bay. a lot of people genuinely dont understand that HSV1 and HSV2 can occur both orally and genitally and both are medically the same virus, they just thrive better in different parts of the body. and having it on your genitals doesnt make you lesser of a person!! you were in pursuit of human connection!
it is not always a cluster of blisters, it can just be one or a few bumps that can look like a pimple. it can also present on your thighs, buttocks, and even sometimes your lower legs. generally anywhere in the “boxer region” or where your nerves in that area extend. it is easier to transmit to women cause they have more mucosal surface area, and women usually have more symptoms mostly due to more fluctuating hormones, which can occur around a menstrual period.
sometimes “prodromal symptoms” can happen such as intense tingling or itching, without actual sores forming. it can shed and be contagious even when there are no or little symptoms, and literally anyone you know could possibly have it!! but that shouldn’t automatically be something scary! you should not look at someone you wouldnt suspect to have it as someone different or scary. things genuinely just happen and you never know what someones been through or has just by looking at them.

guys, at the end of the day, ITS A VIRUS, not a personality trait!!!! we dont define people by their disabilities or illnesses or skin conditions or anything else! this is not actually as scary as its portrayed. people who live with this should not be conditioned to feel compelled to end their lives or live in grief over bumps on their skin and neuropathy that can be easily managed. stress is the main cause of symptoms with this so why are we making it harder on people than it needs to be? where is everyones critical thinking and empathy and humanity!

f(23) i’m fairly certain i have both oral and genital herpes. ive only ever slept with 5 people, and two of those 5 people were very predatory and manipulated me and took advantage of me when i was emotionally vulnerable, one had oral herpes and one had genital herpes and neither told me and i didnt know much about the virus. i have so many artistic aspirations and hobbies and interests in my life and now all i can think about is ending it. my potential is gone. ive always struggled with anxiety as is, and all i can think about is how alienated i am and if the virus ever spreads to my eye or something and there wont be a cure soon, and the medications only halfway work. im so frustrated with myself for letting myself be taken advantage of. ive tried so hard to grace myself but i fundamentally cannot live a normal life anymore i cannot do this.

this is long winded so dont read if you dont want lol (TW MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT) please no criticism or insensitive comments, thank you.

im f, 23, and ive been living with herpes symptoms for about 2 years now. (possibly hsv1 and hsv2), i figured id come on here and share my experience for anyone who relates, and also cause i tend to overthink and drive myself crazy with it.

so a little about me, im alternative and im a musician of about 10 years and and a singer since i was little, ive been in bands, and i have many other hobbies such as art and crochet and photography and culinary, pretty much anything poetic or creative, and it all means very much to me and is what keeps me going through all hardships. ive always been a very anxious person for as long as i can remember, i was taken out of public school in 5th grade cause it was mysteriously causing me to throw up every day. that put me a little behind in life despite graduating on time cause i was more isolated socially. ive been to therapy for it before but it never really helped cause of the type of few therapists i had. they never really helped the root of the problem, and my parents are older and didnt fully know how to help me. im diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression as of 17 years old. so ive been raw dogging debilitating anxiety for basically my whole teenage-adult life. its made me agoraphobic, a hypochondriac, orthorexic, ive had an eating disorder from it. ive never fully managed it but definitely am in the works of finally learning how to and learning myself more. i plan on getting another therapist and maybe starting medication. this is all relevant to whats lead me to my decisions.

when i was 17-20 i was with this guy who was my first love, and i absolutely adored him, like in the most poetic way you could possibly admire someone. we were great together and had a lot in common interest wise and emotionally, other than the fact that he was very emotionally unavailable and a little too old for me. very down to earth and good hearted guy, but i couldnt get over the insecurities that he was out of my league and i wasnt good enough, his apathy furthered this insecurity. i eventually saw the way he wrote poems about his last girlfriend that he yearned for for years, and took that as confirmation that i was being settled for as a warm body or something, despite him being past it. i took his apathy very personally as a young person with anxiety experiencing love for the first time. he never really expressed admiration towards me while i was ragingly in love with him. 3 years of feeling this way made me very numb eventually. ive never been a part of hookup culture, and ive only slept with about 5 people ever, but i rebounded a few times on guys who pursued me, in my own subconscious pursuit of filling the void that my first love couldnt, but unfortunately these guys were predators taking advantage of my vulnerability and manipulating me. me being numb and younger, i let it happen and didnt think practically.

the first guy was a guy 7 years older than me, i was 19, he talked to me about music online cause we had the same taste, i shared my poems with him and he used that as leverage to manipulate me. he guilted me into coming to his apartment, and initiated sex with me despite telling him i prior that i wanted to be platonic. i asked him to at least use a condom and he didnt. i let this happen to myself. this guy had hsv1 and i found out by finding cold sore treatment in his bathroom. i didnt know much about herpes at that age so i wasnt even thinking about it. he didnt have obvious symptoms and i didnt seem to develop symptoms at the time. but i was reckless because i was heartbroken. i didnt even want it. he manipulated me and i just wanted to be loved.

the second guy was someone who was actually my friend for a few years prior to pursuing me. he was never really a good friend and apparently, unbeknownst to me, he had been grooming me by learning things about me from my friend and fantasizing about me since he met me when i was 17, he was 21. when he actually pursued me i was 20 and he was 24. he pursued me at my absolute lowest emotional point with my first love situation, he was my friend the entire time i was in the relationship too so he knew what i went through with it. the reason i started to see him differently was cause he seemed to have worked on himself and actually acted like he understood me, which was in hindsight, a facade to manipulate me. i asked him to give me time to process my last 3 year long relationship with my first love, and he basically guilted me into rushing it by saying “you dont love me if you dont get with me right now” basically. this very quickly turned into the most abusive experience ive ever had. im talking beligerent yelling and insults, r*pe, throwing and hitting things, almost hitting me, weaponizing my traumas and vulnerabilities, i experienced grief twice in that year due to my friend tragically dying in a car accident and my childhood cat dying, he abandoned me and weaponized these experiences actively while it was happening to me, even told me i deserved it. i was stockholmed. this is the guy who i think gave me genital herpes. i thought maybe i saw sores on him but again didnt know much about herpes nor did he disclose, and again, i was emotionally numb, so i let shit happen to me. also i trusted him and he preyed on my vulnerability and betrayed me.

as i’ve processed these experiences and my choices, im left with a gigantic feeling of frustration, resentment, regret, existentialism, and great enlightenment to manipulation and deceitful people, and i feel alienated around most people, both cause of my enlightenment and my sti. i feel as if all my potential as an artist and a woman is basically tainted cause theres nothing poetic about this. i feel gross and inconvenient and weird. i beat myself up so bad for giving people benefit of the doubt and being gullible. i have an irreversible infection thats constantly uncomfortable and tingles and itches and causes bumps on my butt and im too insecure to go out swimming or show myself or wear a skirt or dress or something. people would think im disgusting and stupid. and the fact that i possibly have both hsv1 and 2? god dude. i plan on going to the doctor since the symptoms have been worse lately, but damn dude. i feel inevitably cursed. i found out my dad has hsv2 too from his ex wife cheating on him, that made me feel better at first, but the more i think about it, it actually doesnt as much anymore. its just been perpetual abuse and trauma and existentialism for the past few years. i wish i just knew then what i know now. my current boyfriend is accepting of me, and loves me for my soul and how perfect we are together, but i still struggle with insecurities, like he could have someone whos never had to deal with this? and also all the insults from narcissistic abuse stick with me and also not feeling like enough for that one guy i was in love with. idk i know realistically its not everything and if you love someone it shouldnt be a huge deal, and im smart enough to not put everything on him and hes always there for me regardless, but gosh dude i wouldnt even have to worry about it if it wasnt for my anxiety and assholes using it as leverage. im super grateful for everything going right but it would be amazing if i just avoided people who already were red flags. all cause i was guilible and wanted to see the good in people.