r/HerpesQuestions

Hello, I (24f) am going on a first date (23m) in almost 2 years since having a baby. I’ll call my son’s father Cole (34m). When me and cole first got together, I was I just turned 21 and he was 32. He was my boss, and after a work party, he had hosted at a bar. I had a couple too many drinks and he said he would give me a drive home. He ended up driving me back to his place and at the time I was OK with it one thing led to another and we ended up seeing each other from there. I had a bad situation going on at home and was mainly staying with friends at the time so he very quickly moved me in with him for him to “take care and protect me”. Within a couple months, he ended up moving into a nicer apartment which I found out later was in his exes name. At the time I was naïve enough to think that he was genuinely trying to look out for my best interest in the relationship did start out great (in my head). After about four months, he began picking fights. Constantly accusing me of cheating and stopped taking me out with him anywhere. It was around the same time I realized that he had been doing coke as well. He started going out with friends every weekend and not letting me come with him. This is around the same time he brought up the idea of threesomes. Especially when he would get coked out he said that he deserved to have his woman show him off and that he wanted to impress me on what he could do to other women. I thought that he had been joking or that it was just dirty talk until one day, he tried bringing over someone he met at a bar. I was very angry, but ended up still staying because I thought I loved him. It was a very stupid 21 year old thing to think. Not too long after this he started picking fights at work too, at the time, no one knew that we were together because he said it would get fired. So pretty soon after he had me quit without notice to the higher ups. He promised that he would start sobering up and wanted to take care of me to eventually start a family. He actually did the opposite and started going on couple day benders at least once a week. After about four months of not having a job, I ended up finding out from his ex that he had stopped paying any of the bills and that she had been covering our cost to live there however she stopped paying as well and that there’s only two days before we need to get out of the apartment. We started living out of hotels and friends couches. He also sold my car one of the days that he had gone out without telling me. I later found out is for more drugs since he had been going on almost week long benders at that point. Something snapped in me pretty soon after that I needed to get out but knew it wasn’t gonna be so simple with how manipulative and controlling he had gotten. While I was contemplating everything I found out I was pregnant with my son. We found out together and it was scary and exciting all at the same time. he had promised he was going to get sober, and that we were going to be a happy family. Which he did get sober for about a week then quickly fell back into old habits, but trying to hide it behind my back. He was still going out to bars but saying that it was for work. But something snapped three weeks after I found out I was pregnant and him leaving me an Airbnb without food or water or toilet paper for 3 days while he was on a bender. I ended up calling my mom and having her pick me up in the middle of the night. He did come with me to my first OB appointment & I told them about me having a very painful ingrown hair. This is where they told me I had contracted herpes. I was devastated. I had actually got tested for everything before we got together. I had never had an outbreak before in my life and was terrified. After this appointment, cole never showed up to any of the other events or ultrasounds. Since then I got my life on track. Found a great job, bought a car, moved into a home & brought my son into the world. His father does come around from time to time, but has never been consistent. Typically visits are only about 30 minutes every few months.

Fast forward to now I’m going to be going on a date for the first time since being with my son’s father. He seems like a very sweet and caring man. He doesn’t mind that I have a son and so far has very genuine intentions. How do I go about telling him that the father of my son gave me herpes? I appreciate any words of advice in advance.

Hey I’m just curious about all of the people like me who are Lifetime asymptomatic I am in my 30s (M), and have never had an outbreak in my life, I was just recently tested and found out I had HSV2 antibodies. Of Course my doctor said I don’t have to worry about anything. But I did tell the last woman I was sexually active with and she didn’t care and we continued to have sex.

My questions are do you take daily Valacyclovir and what is your experience with it?

And how has your overall life experience been after finding out you were positive even though you’ve never shown symptoms?

I(25F) think im getting an outbreak on my inner thighs. I was diagnosed literally like a month ago with GHSV1, i had one outbreak November of 25 and didnt know it was am outbreak. I thought i got bit by a spider on my buttocks because what tf else could have happened? i felt the twinge and saw what i thought were two small "fang" marks moments later. it was itchy, so i scratched it and by the time i got to the doctor it looked like a bug bite gone bad. so we didnt test for hsv. fast forward to a month ago feel the same thing in the same exact spot and knew right then basically. felt it at 2AM and by 8AM when i was getting around for work there was bumps and i went to a walk in clinic by 8pm. doctor took 1 look and knew immediately, sent in a swab and got results that Monday morning.
Im feeling an itch now on my inner thighs, there is redness but it looks more like a scratch and i dont know if im gaslighting myself because im traumatized and trying to cope. my recent outbreak finally healed up, waited a couple more days and had sex with my girlfriend and then i wake up this morning and felt this. my thighs definitely touch lol, im worried about comfort at work with my thighs being together, if this even is another outbreak in a now different spot, i dont want to wear tight underwear because i know it needs to breathe but i dont want my thighs rubbing together to further irritate it. im at a loss and i cannot cope with this disease. i finally felt the courage to have sex again and this is what the fuck i get. im disgusted with myself.

question! ive had ohsv1 since i was a kid literally 5 im f23 now and worried i’ve contracted ghsv1 i had a cold sore of course and it may have spread to my genitals via kissing and oral and have been having genital symptoms ever since. i just wanna be educated! whats your guys take and has anyone contracted ghsv1 years after having ohsv1?

I’m 23m from Ontario I was diagnosed with GHSV after contracting it from my ex girlfriend about two years ago Since then I’ve stayed single and haven’t been sexually active Lately I feel like I’m ready to put myself back out there and start dating again but I’m nervous about how to approach it My biggest concerns are disclosure protecting my future partner and rebuilding my confidence?

About 5 weeks ago, I had unprotected vaginal sex with a woman who told me she has herpes and takes daily antiviral medication. There was no oral sex and no kissing—only vaginal intercourse.
Since then:
It’s been about 5 weeks.
I haven’t had any genital blisters, ulcers, or painful sores.
I’ve had some occasional itching that comes and goes, but nothing persistent.
I had a small white spot under my tongue that wasn’t painful and seemed more like irritation after eating. Since there was no oral contact, I don’t think it’s related.
I also had a small bump in my pubic hair area that looked more like an ingrown hair or pimple than a blister.
I’m planning to get tested at 16 weeks for the most accurate blood test results.
For people who have experience with herpes or know about transmission:
How reassuring is it that I’ve gone 5 weeks without typical symptoms?
How much does daily antiviral medication reduce the risk of transmission during unprotected vaginal sex?
Has anyone had a similar exposure and remained negative?
I’m not looking for a diagnosis—just hoping to hear about others’ experiences while I wait for testing.

I made a post earlier about not knowing if I have herpes or a yeast infection, I went to the doctor they did the swabs. I don’t have pain unless I use the bathroom but it itches so badly. Like so so badly I’m in tears I don’t know if there’s any cream or something that can help soothe it. Please help.

Hi all my current partner has just disclosed he caught genital herpes after an oral sex from a woman with a cold sore.

He caught this 10 years ago and I slept with him 4 years ago for a few months (in a relationship) then we broke up and I knew nothing about it.

I’ve been with him again the last 2/3 months and he’s finally told me today about it, I’m obviously absolutely heartbroken he never told me but the forefront of my mind is me having it and my health and wellbeing.

He says he hasn’t slept with me during an active outbreak and I don’t remember ever seeing anything down there but now I’ve read about shedding when he isn’t having an active outbreak.

I’m absolutely terrified because I’m also now pregnant with his baby 💔 I haven’t touch wood had any symptoms the last 4 years since I last slept with him or since starting to sleep with him again.

What are the chances, can I get tested for this to see if I do have it or not? Where do I go from here please?

I’m diagnosed with ghsv1. My breakouts have always been pretty common ,recurring often. For the last month I’ve had 3 bumps in a perfect triangle form located on my perineum. They haven’t changed much which is what’s causing my concern I’ve broken out twice and they’ve stayed the same if not became more prominent they look like pimples but I know they are not can someone please help or give me some insight. I have not been able to see a doctor due to my not having insurance.

I had sex with a condom about a week ago and the day after it was itchy and swollen I thought it was a yeast infection so I took monistat and it seemed to calm it down but I also put BV gel because it wasn’t all the way cured which might have been a bad idea Idk why I did that and a week later It’s very itchy I feel the same, now I see these spots I don’t think it’s herpes but I want to be sure Can someone help me. I’ve never had herpes and i’m scared but I don’t know.

im gonna educate yall real quick and i hope this reaches a lot of people, cause there is just too much excessive negativity and ignorance in this sub. please take the time to read through this.

there is way too little positive productive acknowledgment and education on this virus, and way too much stigma and naive perspectives. that is ultimately what leads people to getting it, and also finding it hard to live with, so these are some things i wish i knew. lets think critically and realistically here.

firstly, the stigma about this is a stereotype. the suffering this comes with is mostly psychological conditioning. yall are arguing over whos worth more cause of which strain you have. ITS A VIRUS. stereotypes and generalizations are never reasonable or realistic in any context, neither are people’s egos or pride. realistically, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, and this goes for literally everything, we are all equally human and impressionable, trying to figure out this life. herpes is a common physical human condition you can get by chance just like any other contagious condition, its not a personality trait. a lot of people are just in pursuit of human connection when they get it, which is normal! life is more complicated than most people wanna admit. people like to dumb things down to black and white to make it easier and more validating for themselves, but everything is case by case. we cannot know how to navigate everything, thats the whole point of trial and error, which is inevitable for EVERYONE. a common, easily contracted virus you cannot control does not automatically define a person. i am 23(f), im a musician, i have many hobbies, i love and care for people very deeply and ive only ever slept with 5 people, all but one were long term relationships. i contracted oral and genital through S/A and abuse. i currently have an amazing, smart, talented boyfriend who has a lot in common with me and loves me unconditionally. i am not a “dirty gross unlikable person”, i was abused and betrayed and now i get bumps on my skin sometimes. my father also has HSV2 from being cheated on by his ex wife! not his fault and doesnt define him! my mother still loves him unconditionally and theyve been together my whole life! guess what? i went through the processing of the abuse and blaming myself and regret and grief, thats what got me here! i am more enlightened and ive learned to not take anything for granted and to love even deeper than i already did!

secondly, this virus doesnt present itself exactly how its portrayed online. SHINGLES from chickenpox is a form of herpes virus. it can occur in your eyes, your fingers/hands, and in extremely rare cases causes a brain infections. this sounds scary but literally any infection can be serious in immunocompromised people. this virus is not serious, it just causes bumps on your skin and can seriously mess with your ego. most people dont know they have any kind of herpes cause it usually is dormant due to your immune system keeping it at bay. a lot of people genuinely dont understand that HSV1 and HSV2 can occur both orally and genitally and both are medically the same virus, they just thrive better in different parts of the body. and having it on your genitals doesnt make you lesser of a person!! you were in pursuit of human connection!
it is not always a cluster of blisters, it can just be one or a few bumps that can look like a pimple. it can also present on your thighs, buttocks, and even sometimes your lower legs. generally anywhere in the “boxer region” or where your nerves in that area extend. it is easier to transmit to women cause they have more mucosal surface area, and women usually have more symptoms mostly due to more fluctuating hormones, which can occur around a menstrual period.
sometimes “prodromal symptoms” can happen such as intense tingling or itching, without actual sores forming. it can shed and be contagious even when there are no or little symptoms, and literally anyone you know could possibly have it!! but that shouldn’t automatically be something scary! you should not look at someone you wouldnt suspect to have it as someone different or scary. things genuinely just happen and you never know what someones been through or has just by looking at them.

guys, at the end of the day, ITS A VIRUS, not a personality trait!!!! we dont define people by their disabilities or illnesses or skin conditions or anything else! this is not actually as scary as its portrayed. people who live with this should not be conditioned to feel compelled to end their lives or live in grief over bumps on their skin and neuropathy that can be easily managed. stress is the main cause of symptoms with this so why are we making it harder on people than it needs to be? where is everyones critical thinking and empathy and humanity!

My partner (M) had a cold sore for the very first time a few months back. I’ve (F) never had one before, and neither has my immediate and extended family.

Im a bit worried about two things:

1. My own risk of getting HSV-1
2. If I do get it, would I always be at risk of passing it to my parents (late 60s) or future children because of asymptomatic shedding? Or is it generally considered safe to kiss family on the cheek if there are no symptoms?

Most information online is very general, so would appreciate any lived experiences and perspectives. e.g how do people manage long term relationships?, is the risk mostly just during active outbreaks, or is asymptomatic shedding is something you’re actively worried about?

P.s: I know that cold sores very common in the West, and WHO estimates that about 70% of adults will have been exposed to the virus. But those numbers are global estimates where South east Asia in general is usually not included due to poor data availability. Hence, I’m worried about cultural perceptions towards cold sores and hsv in general

Had sex a week and a half ago with someone I’ve been having sex with for a while. Dumbest decision was letting him go there without protection that one time just because we had been hooking up a while. A few days pass and I feel burning sensations while peeing. Go to urgent care, describe it to the doctor, he diagnosed me on the spot (without looking) with hsv 2. Had me do a swab on myself, I’m crying, stressed, angry, disappointed that my biggest fear is now my reality. I haven’t gotten the results back yet, but I will within the next week (I already have an appointment booked with the doctor). I am on antivirals as he prescribed them right away. Antivirals are helping and now I’m conflicted on whether I should tell the person who I had sex with about my diagnosis? I haven’t had sex with anyone else in a very long time and I got tested earlier this year and was clean. He said he was clean but I don’t know when the last time he got tested was. I don’t know if he has hsv as well or not? Don’t really know how to go about this. Also the doctor was so nonchalant and told me I was his 5th patient of the day who he diagnosed with herpes.. i didn’t know if that was supposed to make me feel better but i wanna die regardless of the statistics

It’s been 6 years since i was diagnosed…. I thought I was at a fine part mentally but now that I’m interested in dating/having sexual relationships again….. I’ve been depressed and panicking all over again… way more often that I should. What type of therapy would I need cus I don’t think basic therapy will do it.

So I have genital herpes & have been having multiple outbreaks with this pregnancy. I’m currently 26 weeks pregnant & have already taken Valacyclovir 500mg twice a day for 5 days 3 times now. I didn’t want to take it while pregnant but I needed some relief. This has been really stressful for me, especially not knowing if baby would have any long term effects from this. If anyone has taken Valacyclovir while pregnant & baby is growing up & meeting their milestones it would put me at so much ease!🙏🏽 Please someone let me know your experiences!

I am currently on my second outbreak (GHSV2). My first one lasted a month from april to may (although it was so severe it still havent healed completely). And my second one started 5 weeks after in mid june and is currently ongoing(im two weeks in). Still cannot walk properly.

Anyone had the same where the second ob started about a month after the first ended? How often do you get OBs now? The pain is unreal I am on l lysine, valtrex etc etc but nothing helps. If this becomes a monthly occurrence I dont think I will live a very fulfilling life to be honest.

I’ve been sleeping with the same person for months now and we have open conversations about sex and I ask every time if he’s had sex with anyone else while with me. He said no every time, part of me didn’t believe him and i guess I got what was coming for me :( had sex last week, started feeling burning down there and when I took a look I saw bumps I’ve never seen. I immediately felt like I was going to faint because I’ve seen pictures online before. The doctor sent out my swab test yesterday & I started the antivirals yesterday. It is pretty painful so I can’t stop thinking about it & im really disappointed in myself and feel absolutely disgusting. I feel like I’m not clean, I won’t enjoy sex again, I’m SOO afraid of when the next outbreak will be, what if I’m on vacation? What if I can’t access antivirals right in that moment? I’ve never felt more anxious about a situation in my life and I’m really not an anxious person. Any stories, advice, words of encouragement will really be appreciated :(

TW: I was assaulted.

I don’t want to disclose everything and will be dealing with this. Luckily the most damage I incurred was a kiss on the side of the face and on my neck– long enough to feel saliva and teeth right up to my ear. He did not kiss my mouth or anywhere else. I noticed a scab on his lip, unsure of whether or not it was a cold sore. I washed my face and neck as soon as I could. I didn’t have any open wounds, maybe a dry spot on my jawline from an old healed pimple.

My mother gets cold sores, and I’m sure I’m already positive from years of affection and sharing drinks. I have never had any obvious signs. But I am a little horrified at the possibility of having an outbreak on these very visible areas. I am also traumatized by the situation itself. The information online about this is conflicting and downright terrifying.

Google says that herpes gladitorium is possible. Some sources say very unlikely, some say wait and see, others say it’s this big elusive thing that could sneak up on me. Should I just wait a few weeks, and leave it at that? Or should I consider having blood work at an appropriate time? I’m so upset.

I’ve seen so many varying numbers on detection rates from the Roche Elecsys IgG test. When it comes to HSV-2, it shows that it has a high sensitivity at about 97% and specificity at about 98%. However, it shows that for HSV-1 it has a much lower sensitivity at about 85% or less, but still a high specificity at about 98%. So I’m wondering, why is the sensitivity for HSV-1 so low when it’s able to detect HSV-2 at a much more accurate rate? And if someone were having an active HSV-1 OB (let’s assume in this case that they’ve had it for a long time), wouldn’t the test become more accurate as your body is now actively producing more antibodies to fight off the infection?