u/Icy_Network_2441

For context, my and my partner are mid twenties and have a house and little boy, we've known eachother since we were teenagers and have decided we want to get married before we have anymore children.

I have a strained relationship with my dad, we use to have an amazing relationship (or so I thought) up until my mum found out he was having an affair. This broke my mum and her mental health deteriorated rapidly and unfortunately she's no longer here with us due to her mental health. This obviously all crushed me, finding out my dad had been lying to me and losing my mum. For a while he did everything he could to support me in this and understood why our relationship was strained for a while but he did the best he could with 2 kids at home to now suddenly take care of. He moved us to the city this affair partner was living in which again hurt but always said I just wanted him to be happy and I cant do anything to change the past events and had to deal with the situation the best I could. I met this women, and I thought i was civil enough but obviously didn't want a relationship with her knowing she knew everything going on with my parents at the time of the affair. I moved out not long after to start my life in a new city for university and mine and my dad's relationship became even more strained. It came to a head a few years ago where I was told I was disrespectful and rude to her because I wouldn't look her in the eyes when having a conversation (I have ADHD so struggle with anyone to hold eye contact for long periods of time) and was late to a meal she had prepared for his birthday (I have no idea why I was late but again it was never intentional). Through this argument my dad told me she was making him choose between me or her, and he said he was choosing her. This broke me as my only parent left but didn't argue with this as hes a grown man and can make his own choices in life.

Fast forward to now, we set a date for our wedding and in the excitement blurted out to my younger siblings (who still lives with our dad and I have a very close relationship with) that I was getting married on this date. My sibling told our dad this and he had a go at me for not telling him first and it had caused issues because my wedding date was on a school day which my younger sibling might not be able to attend. Again this was heart breaking but we talked it through and came up with a plan for my sibling to attend but go to school the next day. My dad did however tell me he would not attend due to his wife as she was not invited, to which I was confused as to why she would want to be invited as we have had no contact for years, and she's decided she cant stand to even be in the same room as me. But again said I want my dad at my wedding but he does what's best for him.

My partner the next day was told he was going on a tour ( hes in the armed forces) but the tour means he'd miss our wedding. This was obviously devastating so we got onto the phone with everyone ASAP to see if we could change the dates without losing our deposits. The 2 dates proposed where either 2 days after he comes back from tour (not ideal if there's any delays) or 3 weeks after. We chose 3 weeks after, I messaged my dad before even getting the new contracts through to let him know and then proceeded to update all the guests of the changes.

Now this is where the question begins. Turns out my new wedding date is the same day my dad got married to his current wife ( which i had completely forgotten about honestly) and at first was funny 'we'll have the same anniversary'. His wife has found this out (its not a secret so fair enough) but she is upset by this new date. So my dad's called me to and had another go at me for this date because his wife wants this to be their date and is forcing me to move the date and offering to pay whatever to keep his wife happy. Now I don't understand the big issue, as hes already stated he will not he coming, so what does this take away from his anniversary? I've spoken to my partner and friends and they've all said its childish to be throwing a tantrum over a date but I dont want to cause more issues with my dad. So am I wrong for not changing the date again for them?

For context, my and my partner are mid twenties and have a house and little boy, we've known eachother since we were teenagers and have decided we want to get married before we have anymore children.

I have a strained relationship with my dad, we use to have an amazing relationship (or so I thought) up until my mum found out he was having an affair. This broke my mum and her mental health deteriorated rapidly and unfortunately she's no longer here with us due to her mental health. This obviously all crushed me, finding out my dad had been lying to me and losing my mum. For a while he did everything he could to support me in this and understood why our relationship was strained for a while but he did the best he could with 2 kids at home to now suddenly take care of. He moved us to the city this affair partner was living in which again hurt but always said I just wanted him to be happy and I cant do anything to change the past events and had to deal with the situation the best I could. I met this women, and I thought i was civil enough but obviously didn't want a relationship with her knowing she knew everything going on with my parents at the time of the affair. I moved out not long after to start my life in a new city for university and mine and my dad's relationship became even more strained. It came to a head a few years ago where I was told I was disrespectful and rude to her because I wouldn't look her in the eyes when having a conversation (I have ADHD so struggle with anyone to hold eye contact for long periods of time) and was late to a meal she had prepared for his birthday (I have no idea why I was late but again it was never intentional). Through this argument my dad told me she was making him choose between me or her, and he said he was choosing her. This broke me as my only parent left but didn't argue with this as hes a grown man and can make his own choices in life.

Fast forward to now, we set a date for our wedding and in the excitement blurted out to my younger siblings (who still lives with our dad and I have a very close relationship with) that I was getting married on this date. My sibling told our dad this and he had a go at me for not telling him first and it had caused issues because my wedding date was on a school day which my younger sibling might not be able to attend. Again this was heart breaking but we talked it through and came up with a plan for my sibling to attend but go to school the next day. My dad did however tell me he would not attend due to his wife as she was not invited, to which I was confused as to why she would want to be invited as we have had no contact for years, and she's decided she cant stand to even be in the same room as me. But again said I want my dad at my wedding but he does what's best for him.

My partner the next day was told he was going on a tour ( hes in the armed forces) but the tour means he'd miss our wedding. This was obviously devastating so we got onto the phone with everyone ASAP to see if we could change the dates without losing our deposits. The 2 dates proposed where either 2 days after he comes back from tour (not ideal if there's any delays) or 3 weeks after. We chose 3 weeks after, I messaged my dad before even getting the new contracts through to let him know and then proceeded to update all the guests of the changes.

Now this is where the question begins. Turns out my new wedding date is the same day my dad got married to his current wife ( which i had completely forgotten about honestly) and at first was funny 'we'll have the same anniversary'. His wife has found this out (its not a secret so fair enough) but she is upset by this new date. So my dad's called me to and had another go at me for this date because his wife wants this to be their date and is forcing me to move the date and offering to pay whatever to keep his wife happy. Now I don't understand the big issue, as hes already stated he will not he coming, so what does this take away from his anniversary? I've spoken to my partner and friends and they've all said its childish to be throwing a tantrum over a date but I dont want to cause more issues with my dad. So am I wrong for not changing the date again for them?