At the end of my rope
I lurk here a lot. I see people who really do well in this situation and I’m happy for them .. maybe it’s age etc but I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t take anymore. A little background: I was married to a horrible human being for 10 years. I had a secure home and most anything you would need or want. I had to put up with violent abuse, vile verbal abuse and narcissistic behavior. Finally about 7 years ago I left with my son. He was still a minor then. My ex nearly killed me in one of his rages. I had nothing when I left. I had like 20 bucks and my car. My son and I lived in the car for a while back then but eventually got out of it and until now haven’t had to live in the car again. It’s been a constant struggle to survive. I have no support of any kind. It’s been me alone trying to get by. Now I’m 61 and I can’t take this physically or mentally anymore. I think about ending things daily. No one should suffer like this. This is more of a rant and I don’t expect anyone here to do anything but we’re in a heat advisory right now and I’m almost out of gas. We haven’t eaten since yesterday. I’ve considered stealing but I’m too scared. This isn’t living. I hoped that I would have a chance at happiness for what’s left of my life but I don’t think that will happen. I want a job. I’ve applied everywhere. Fast food, groceries, retail, warehouse work, temp work and I get nothing but rejection letters. If that. It’s impossible for us to save money with just one income. Gas prices are high and we spend money on food which adds up. We only eat twice a day and eat as cheap as possible.
I’m not trying to bring anyone down. I know people out there are worse off than me. My heart goes out to them. If I could help I would. I feel so broken from years of trauma and abuse and sometimes it’s too much. This country sucks. I also get to look forward to losing my benefits in November because I’ve not found a job. Thanks to DJT and his heartless Big Ugky Bill.. not to be political but it is what it is.
I can’t move out of state. One thing I do have is excellent health and dental care. That saves me over thousand a month in health expenses. I’m also able to get my teeth fixed. I’m actually having pretty major dental surgery in a couple weeks and I’ll get to recover from that in my car.
My apologies for the negativity and thank you for reading.