u/Ill-Future-1013

AITAH for just outgrowing a friend?

We’ve been friends our whole childhood and teen life. But we’re living different lives as adults. And quite frankly, I’m just not into the nuclear family thing and that’s what she’s doing. Which is cool and I don’t try to deter my friend from doing what she wants with her life. I’ve always been supportive. I know she wants a village, but quite frankly she’s not there for ME when I need support/the village. I’m just expected to be that and not have it reciprocated. Which isn’t her fault. She’s doing nuclear family. She’s stretched thin. She has NO time to be the village for someone. It’s starting to feel like we have nothing in common anymore.

However, I’ve always been childfree also. Ive always been a FTK type of person (it’s never been a secret), and she always seemed to agree? But something changed for her, and not me. I’m not into doing family functions EVERY time we hang out or needing to always be with her kids/husband when we do. We never get to just kick it anymore. I feel bad cause I feel she’s one of the typical, get lost in parenting situations. She hasn’t found her way back to herself.

Also, if I brought any of this up- it would 100% be nuclear fallout. It could NOT be a civil- hey I just don’t think we have much in common anymore and I don’t really enjoy hanging out. Let’s part ways civilly and wish the best for each other. It SHOULDNT be something super controversial in my opinion, but I know I could never directly say this. It would (for her) HAVE to end in hate and resentment.

AITAH for just not wanting to really do this anymore?

I also visit the regretful parents thread and it surprised me how many parents regret having to care for their kids, even once they pass the age of 18. Did it not occur to these people that they CHOSE to have these kids? So YES that makes them responsible for them! Until the end of life! They didn’t ask for you to bring them here, by the way! So OF COURSE the kids want the parents to do the heavy lifting to lessen the burden THEY CHOSE to place on their kids by bringing them here! I don’t feel bad for these parents.

So let me first start by saying I have many disabled people in my family. I have first hand watched parents become caretakers for their children fulltime both because they were born disabled, or had an accident and became disabled later on.

I've seen what it takes to be a caretaker for someone who needs it around the clock. And I've seen it drain the life from people. I even trained as a respite care volunteer to help relieve caretakers and nurses momentarily because it's damn near impossible to do.

This being said, I just watched a video on socials of a man talking about his disabled son, and why he will never "put him in a facility." He even mentioned that his "back up plan" are his disabled sons siblings, or other members of the family should something happen to him, as the full time caretaker of his son.

Now, these people may have very well volunteered to be this mans "back up plan", but it also has me kind of furious. You shouldn't have other children, just to be your disabled child's caretaker. Just like children aren't retirement or insurance plans for their parents, they aren't for other siblings either. And this subject hits close to home because I have a 30 year age gap with my own sibling, and my mother told me that I "WILL BE" my sisters provider should something happen to her or my father. I didn't get a choice, a say, or even asked if this is something I'd be willing to do (and as someone who is childfree by choice, I will be dead before I'm forced to raise anyone's kids for them).

It reminds me of the movie "My Sisters Keeper." People are really out here having kids, and then trying to FORCE the responsibility and burden of them on other people. NO. We weren't part of the planning to have a child (cause we'd probably tell you not to do it), therefore we shouldn't have to be forced into ANY part of the upbringing!

Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol

There should be childfree EVERYTHING. YES, we can't expect the world to be childfree. And yes, we can't expect children to not exist in public. However, there should be childfree spaces of ALL kinds. For those who make the CHOICE to not want to be around anyones kids, but still leave the house. Childfree restaurants, parks, flights, subdivisions, etc.

Just because the world can't be childfree doesn't mean we can't create childfree specific places, and it shouldn't be controversial to want to seek these out, or wish they existed!!

I just came on here to say I hate the nuclear family. I actually think with the current status of our world, if you're choosing to have children, it's purely for selfish reasons. Youre thinking of what that child can fulfill within you, but not what kind of world are we passing down to the next generation. And news flash. It's not much of anything. Science predicts we run out of clean drinking water within the next few years and with the AI data centers, that is just accelerating the process. We are about to breach a water bankruptcy, and you're still thinking of having that child? How wildly irresponsible of you.

Oftentimes myself, I'm very resentful of my own parents for bringing me here to this world where I'm forced to play a giant game of monopoly I don't want to play, and I can't simply live a life within my OWN parameters. No. Just those set by the 1%. Wish my mom would have thought about what reality would be like for me a MAJORITY of my adult life, and not that she was just excited to have a baby who got her to stay out of trouble herself and whom she was hoping would keep her baby daddy around. She had me because of what she thought I could do for HER. Oh and don't forget to be grateful! We all have to be grateful to be brought here to this shithole world out of the ether, and then again be grateful that our parents provided for us and didn't abuse us. Which again, newsflash, should be the bare minimum. Children shouldn't have to be grateful to be given a prosperous and full life. They should just be given one!

And on top of it all, the nuclear family set up makes for complete loneliness and isolation!! Not only do the people I know with children complain that they are so lonely and no one ever invites them out, but every time I do try to make plans or invite those with kids I know to a function- it's always rejected. So why do we even bother trying??

Nuclear families also complain that there's no longer "the village" to help raise their kids. But just because two people decided to have a child and I know them (and was obviously not part in the decision of them having children), now I'm also forced to be part of your village? I choose not to have kids myself, but I have to be part of someone else's decision to have kids and help them also raise them, again without my consent?

I'm just trying to live a life where other people's obligations aren't forced upon me, and I can move through this world on solely choices of my own consent. But with the forced monopoly game, and the forced village I'm supposed to be part of.

Not to mention heaven forbid you as someone who is childless needs your friends, they're also nowhere to be found because they're too busy playing nuclear family.

I'm over it all.