u/Ill-Lynx-156

Im genuinely so fucking pissed rn. Ive been having small prick bites in threes in triangular shapes and only my mom noticed when I entered the kitchen. Anytime we tried to suggest- idfk- BEDBUGS OR FLEAS, my dad would js joke around and say it’s mosquitoes cause ig he was js in a good mood when IVE been concerned for days. IVE been checking my bed constantly and not finding shit but the way the bug bites are popping up arent usual for mosquito bites for me. He refused any possibility that it was bedbugs or fleas cause of our old neighbor’s SEVERE infestation didnt look exactly like mine- aka a potentially young infestation. Ive had a horrible fear of parasites my entire life i cant do this fucking shit🫩 and they know it. I find it hard to even check myself for bugs or parasites js because I’m afraid of even finding one. Only my mom was willing to talk about it. Ive checked everything and I can’t find shit and im really afraid. It’s so bad one of my lymph nodes swelled a little and ive got two bites on my ear. ATP he js wants my shit to get infested js cause he was in a giggly mood i almost cried. Why do parents only listen when you start fucking sobbing??? This is literally how shit and diseases spread

I became randomly, unexplainably skittish the summer right before my freshman year. It’s normal for me to not know when I’m stressed- this phenomenon is something ive experienced since 4th grade and what’ll happen is I won’t know im stressed until I experience symptoms like the presence of dreams, giggliness (like, sometimes my brain will kinda emotionally deflect my negative emotions ig??), spacing out, etc. It can last from 2 weeks to months, and once it ends I’ll lose my appetite for a week or so (which usually I js force myself to eat a normal amount).

Well, this time I got stressed again- and im naturally a little jumpy (it started in 7th grade) but not to a paranoid degree- but this time it made me so anxious I could barely leave my room. This is when I started getting severely skittish, walking through my house became a struggle. I started having a horrible fear of death because of my random anxiety. There was times where the thought of it made me nauseous and I struggled to fall asleep at night because of my fear. I became very paranoid. I used to js be flinchy but now it was 10x worse. I also convinced myself during this time that my sister was cvtting. I thought she had some scars on her thighs and she got a blade from her shaving razors because she was missing one from the three pack- turns out it was in the shower. I knew it was a pretty baseless theory anyway, but either way I didn’t do anything. Since I was already cvtting myself and didnt care i didnt react much to what I convinced myself and I’d laugh and mutter jokes to myself about it. Since I was avoiding therapy I also just didn’t want to get my room searched. Basically I projected my cvtting onto my sister and laughed about it and moved on like it was nothing when I realized I was probably wrong. Turns out I was right but she started around…maybe a week after I assumed that? I have no full idea.

Summarized- I finally realized my lifelong fear of death…but that doesn’t explain why it was so severe or why I got so flinchy that even the wall popping made my chest hurt. Idk why im this flinchy and idk why this couldve possibly happened cause nothing negative happened right before this.