u/Ill-Resident36

About a couple weeks ago my fiancé mentioned our one year anniversary was in August and I was like no it’s not lol and then I was like looking at my calendar and I thought about it and I was like holy shit he’s right we are almost a year in our relationship before I got with my fiancé I kinda dated either bad people or people I didn’t truly click with I had no idea what a good relationship looked like and when we got together we still didn’t but we kinda created that definition with each other we have only ever grown together and well Im still obsessed with him ofc we have ups and downs but they pass quickly and we forget them immediately and again before I was in 2 month -9month relationships I realized we have already reached past that and I don’t have anxiety about my relationship but i have anxiety about life like I have no job even though I’ve been applying like crazy , and like it feels it’s a timeframe that shows a happy relationship but I’m also so busy looking at my failures and I also want to tell him but I think it would be weird if I was just like hey honey did you know your the longest relationship I’ve been in 😃 .

So before about a year ago I never had a computer 2 years ago I decided I wanted to learn game developmentI. used my exes computer to look something up I had no idea what I was talking about to be honest and went down a rabbit hole and I’ve been spending a lot of the past 2 years looking for a job… I’ve gotten a interview this Friday out of the three interviews I’ve had this year. I did work at a gas station shortly before after I broke up with said ex I stayed with my grandma who I left to move in with my now husband because she kinda was religiously insane and kept making decisions she thought was for the best but was gonna actually ruin my life and or put me in danger . So only about a year of this matter I feel but I could be wrong and I feel like the beginning of the year when my bf gave me his poor old intel I7 .I was so excited and I still am but boy oh boy I had no idea what I was doing trying to learn on my own and I had an idea of the things I wanted to do and I have a better idea now but it feels like the year has been more about correcting the way I’m learning and crying cause I’ve been looking for a job cause I need money for proper equipment and I started a video essay channel which is fun ,have not practice any editing skills tho so I need to do that but I digress I have like a million things I need to learn . And I started college for IT so there’s that all of my life revolves around gaming and tech in some way and it where I’m the happiest , but I just don’t feel like I’ve really gotten that far .I want to truly make good games with captivating stories and I have such good ideas ( evil ideas ) without the skill to execute them so then it kills me and I also have so many regrets when it comes to never giving myself the chance to try to do something I could’ve loved and I could’ve been skilled at by now. i genuinely was taught from a young age that I was dumb and was going nowhere this was engraved in my head and when I would try I would be dragged down and so I pursued art my whole life cause it felt safe because it was the only thing we could agree I was good at so when I took a test in my sophomore year of highschool to see the career path I was good at when it said game development i genuinely said nah I’m not smart enough for that and looked at other stuff. I just immediately shut it down ,and I can’t help but to want to jump in the past and just punch that bitch and drag her to a computer tell her to start coding. it makes me so mad that the very thing that would be biggest passion ever was right in front my face and I pushed it away I’m 21 now and I’m full regrets and whole lot of learning to do I love this path but I can’t help but feel like I’m going nowhere yet and I hate myself for it I wish I would’ve started sooner and I barely know C++ and blender is so confusing I can’t even make a donut and to be honest I’ve barely tried cause I’ve so busy looking for a job so I can save up for the proper equipment and I know I can balance properly once that Finacial stability is there but I also hate myself for still barely having anything done. I feel like I’m letting my dreams down when I’m not working on anything but at the same time I can’t drop the things I need to do in life to be a stepping stone for that Career it feels like I’m only now starting to head in the right direction with it but I’m so full of regrets and don’t get me wrong I’ve found something I’m not letting go off no matter how long it takes this is truly the path for me but jeez i have so many regrets about how I started and how I feel like I’ve gone nowhere with it yet. And jeez the time and lack of skill I have feels embarrassing, honestly but idk I just want to rant and honestly if you have advice please give me advice .

Hi , I have been looking for some people to like play with please 18+ people, I just feel weird chatting with young /children ( no offense ). I was hoping to find some people in their 20s or sum to play games with , I’m honestly into a lot of stuff I love playing games but I ain’t no pro , I love RE7 rn , little nightmares 1 , Farcy only 3 so far , walking dead , dispatch , Dante’s inferno I like to mix things up a lot so I’m into a lil bit of everything and I also love books although I haven’t read nun good in awhile but if you got a book recommendation or want to talk about go for it , I love yapping like a lot I pretty sure I can actually be pretty annoying so also don’t be afraid to say ay yo your monologuing bro cause I don’t mean to fr but I think I do . I’m down for trying new things and recommendations and such so yeah if you think we got a similar interest’s or something lmk(ps happily married so don’t try , emphasis on don’t try ) not even with that stupid pick me boy shit