u/Ill-Tangelo-1084

I recently reconnected with my alienated parent. Initially I felt really great about it and peaceful but now am starting to second guess everything. For starters he says he wants to leave things in the past and have us move forward which I can respect but my alienating parent put me through a LOT of trauma for decades and it feels impossible to bring up every now and then. I’m currently in therapy but I have no one in my friend or family circle that understands what a monster she is other than my alienated father. Secondly I feel like he lowkey enabled my mom’s abuse by leaving me with her and admitting to not even checking in on me for two decades when he knew her to be an abuser and could see she was manipulating me to push him away during their divorce. Like how did he know I wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere? I was actively suicidal at one point living with her and that could have very well been a possibility and my mom wouldnt really care about informing him. He says he regrets not protecting me better but I feel really hurt he wasn’t even the least bit curious about how I was doing. Have any other parents or kids of alienation have had such mixed vibes reconnecting?

My whole life my nmom told me that my dad ditched her alone in thr hospital when he found out I was a girl. Today I saw pictures of my dad with me after I was born. She also destroyed all pictures of him and said he was never in my life as a baby but I also saw pictures of him holding me and playing with me.

I just wanted to let you all know who are going through it with a narc parent that things do get better. a decade ago I was trapped with my narc mom and contemplated ending my life. Today I am NC with her and have built a beautiful life with a family and partner of my own and a career to support myself. She tried to hide me from my dad by forcing alienation but I reconnected with him against her wishes and we both were sorry for the lost time. He told me none of it was my fault because I was her victim and he wishes he could have protected me better. I am so glad I found a parent that actually respects me and it feels like my inner child is healing more every day. Even though I grieve the time lost with him I am glad I have the chance to rebuild a relationship with him and my kids will have a loving grandparent on my side. I am working on the journey of some day fully letting go of my anger toward my narc mom for trying to separate me from everyone who loved me but I have so much peace in my life now. Sending love and support to everyone in the thick of it. You are all stronger and more powerful than you know. You will get away and you will find your own version of healing. May your narc never steal your story ❤️

After decades of alienation where do you start when talking to your kid once you guys decide to reconnect? It feels like catching up with a stranger a way. Could use some pointers for people that went through the reunion process

Has anyone ever played their nparent to get what they wanted? I hate my nmom soooo much and she destroyed my childhood. I am currently on NC with her and she continues to send me mail but i haven’t told her to f-off because I want her house after she kicks it. I wont keep it, ill burn all her stuff and resell it to get the money for my family. I’m an only child so I figure unless I do something crazy insane she will leave all her stuff to me anyway. I know it sounds awful and cold and selfish but after all the shit she put me through the least she could do is leave me some real estate/assests. Thoughts?

I have a narc mom that conditioned me to hate my dad and eventually coerce me into telling him I no longer wanted to see him as a kid. It’s incredibly f’d up anyone will do this to a little child. there’s probably more stuff but this is what i remember(and yes I’m in therapy)

• she cut out his face from all our photos or scratched it out with pen, including pictures of my birthdays
• She wrote in rainbow on the wall “<insert my name> is my daughter and no one will take her away from me”
• When my dad had custody of me for the weekend and was supposed to pick me up from school she wanted me to herself so she would tell me to tell him in front of teachers that I didnt want to go with him. If i ended up going with my dad I was punished when I went back to her place
• The word “dad” was never to be used. I had to refer to my father as “him.”
• Anything I did that reminded her of my dad, certain facial expressions or using my left hand even, warranted a scolding
• She would tell me to misbehave at his place so he wouldnt want me over anymore. When this didnt work and he instead had me see a therapist for family therapy she told me that he was paying off these counselors to give him favor in their custody battle and I shouldnt trust them
• she would body shame my dad all the time
• The court had had me see child therapists throughout their divorce. I had so much anxiety I wouldnt say anything to them. My mom told me they werent to be trusted because they are crooks since they take my dad’s side. She only wanted me to say that I didnt want to see my dad anymore to them
• She told me she is the only person who loves me and my dad is only fighting the custody battle with her to torture her
• My dad would sometimes take me out of state to hangout with cousins my age. My mom insisted I tell them that my dad mistreats me so that they tell his extended family. I didnt do it the first time and my mom barely spoke to me for a week. I was like 7.
• If i didnt comply with any of this or questioned her I would get scolded or be given the silent treatment. I would be accused of “torturing my mother” or not loving my mom if I didnt help block dad out of our lives

I have a narc mom that conditioned me to hate my dad and eventually coerce me into telling him I no longer wanted to see him as a kid. It’s incredibly f’d up anyone will do this to a little child. there’s probably more stuff but this is what i remember(and yes I’m in therapy)

• she cut out his face from all our photos or scratched it out with pen, including pictures of my birthdays
• She wrote in rainbow on the wall “<insert my name> is my daughter and no one will take her away from me”
• When my dad had custody of me for the weekend and was supposed to pick me up from school she wanted me to herself so she would tell me to tell him in front of teachers that I didnt want to go with him. If i ended up going with my dad I was punished when I went back to her place
• The word “dad” was never to be used. I had to refer to my father as “him.”
• Anything I did that reminded her of my dad, certain facial expressions or using my left hand even, warranted a scolding
• She would tell me to misbehave at his place so he wouldnt want me over anymore. When this didnt work and he instead had me see a therapist for family therapy she told me that he was paying off these counselors to give him favor in their custody battle and I shouldnt trust them
• she would body shame my dad all the time
• The court had had me see child therapists throughout their divorce. I had so much anxiety I wouldnt say anything to them. My mom told me they werent to be trusted because they are crooks since they take my dad’s side. She only wanted me to say that I didnt want to see my dad anymore to them
• She told me she is the only person who loves me and my dad is only fighting the custody battle with her to torture her
• My dad would sometimes take me out of state to hangout with cousins my age. My mom insisted I tell them that my dad mistreats me so that they tell his extended family. I didnt do it the first time and my mom barely spoke to me for a week. I was like 7.
• If i didnt comply with any of this or questioned her I would get scolded or be given the silent treatment. I would be accused of “torturing my mother” or not loving my mom if I didnt help block dad out of our lives

Planning to reach out to alienated parent but have no clue what to expect. Anyone reunited with their parent/child and after how long? How did it end up going? Did anyone’s parent decide they weren’t interested in reconnecting or has everyone had a relatively positive experience? What were some challenges you faced between the two of you?