[QCrit] The Grand Order of Betrayed Idiots (91k Word Fantasy, Betas Welcome) (Attempt 2)
Heya folks,
I posted this when the novel was still in progress several months back. Well, now it's complete, and I'd love some feedback on the revised query and first 300. If anyone would be interested in beta reading, please feel free to DM me as well. As always, I appreciate any feedback and everyone's time.
Dear agent,
Felix is a trusting dumbass who ruined his life by making a deal with an evil spirit, but that’s okay. There’s a support group for that.
The Grand Order Of the Betrayed—Goob for short—is an extremely legitimate group: it has a delicious bowl of cheese dip and an impressive five-member turnout. And Felix is desperate enough that he’d join just about anything. He’d been friends with Galvis—an evil spirit—his entire life. When Galvis offered to grant enough power that Felix could finally impress his family of renowned dungeon delvers, Felix accepted. But along with that power, he ended up with the curse of always making bad-taste jokes at the worst possible time. And his family is strict enough that a single bad joke left him fired, disowned, and penniless.
The other Goobers are wacky and unhinged, but they also accept Felix, bad jokes and all. He begins delving dungeons with them, gathering resources for the Goob leader who promises a cure for his curse. Away from his family’s tightly controlled structures, he makes a name for himself, reluctantly using the power Galvis gave, all while that damn apologetic ghost keeps pretending he’s still Felix’s friend.
But then Galvis comes to Felix with a warning: Goob’s leader is a fraud. She’s trying to free the Lord of Lies who leads the evil spirits, which could usher in calamity. The only way to stop it, Galvis says, is to breach the Lord of Lies’ prison and do… something. Galvis can’t explain what Felix needs to do, but he insists that Felix definitely needs to do it.
Felix is being betrayed--either by the spirit who's stuck by his side through everything or by the zany new friends who accepted him when no one else would. And this time, being a gullible idiot could ruin a lot more lives than Felix’s.
THE GRAND ORDER OF BETRAYED IDIOTS is a 91,000 word standalone Fantasy novel with the dry humor of Dreadful by Caitlin Rozakis mixed with the found-family vibes of The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna.
First 300:
Chapter 1: Lies, betrayal, and a distinct lack of green beans
The advert promising “An Awesome Support Group for Morons Who Were Stupid Enough To Get Totally Screwed Over by Evil Spirits” had really lousy directions. Which made some sense to Felix, the word “moron” was right there in the title. But it was five minutes before the meeting started, and Felix was still struggling to find his way there.
He’d followed the barebones directions to a re-purposed church about a two-hour walk from the city of Almesa. It was the kind of building that really made Felix admire just how good nature was at showing everyone who’s boss. Tall oaks towered over the church’s half-collapsed spires. Ivy turned the stained glass windows into a fuzzy green carpet. Even the stone walkway looked like a sequence of erupting tree roots.
After wandering the church’s crumbling brick hallways, he hit a fork in the road that showed some promise—two new-ish looking wooden signs pointing in either direction. Felix was pretty sure his meeting wasn’t on the right, since that sign said, “Hannah Hollarberry’s Hurricane Hairstyles—Lightning Locks Sale! 60% off!”
But the other sign simply said, “GOOBERS!” with no other explanation. That didn’t inspire confidence. But the advert did specify that the group offered “logistical support,” and after getting both fired and disowned a week ago, Felix was dead broke. And besides, he’d already come all this way. So he followed the goober sign and trudged his way through the musky, narrow hallways.
His wandering rewarded him with yet another painted “GOOBERS!” this time as a parchment sheet nailed next to a set of engraved iron doors depicting a series of hills and mountains. Felix ran his fingers through the grooves in the metal, fascinated by the intricacy of the drawing. Earth-worship had been dead for long enough that Felix’s tutors had only mentioned it in passing, but he still thought the art was beautiful.