feeling comes worst day by day.
I am finding it incredibly difficult to go on living, even for a single moment. I grew up under a lot of stress, and things became even worse after I got married nine years ago; I spent most of that time in tears, and in the process, both my career and my health deteriorated. Then, around January 8th or 9th, 2024, a strange thing happened. I looked in the mirror—something I did routinely—and suddenly noticed a significant amount of gray hair at my temples. I was completely devastated and wept; a sudden, drastic change came over me, whereas just the day before, I had felt motivated to improve my life. That day, I felt that the immense stress had made me look old for my age; the strain of married life and issues regarding my maternal home had completely drained me. I felt as though everything was over and there was nothing left for me to do; I even lost the will to live. Basic things like eating or washing my face in the morning ceased to be priorities, and I became afraid to look in the mirror. Three or four days later, I went to the emergency room.
Initially, the doctors treated the situation as routine, but after I mentioned my history of migraines and a burning sensation in my feet, they admitted me to the hospital and prescribed antidepressants. I have been taking the maximum dosage, yet since 2024 even i got pcos more gray hair waigt gain more and more, I have been unable to focus my vision on anything close up. Other issues—ranging from a burning sensation in my feet to insomnia—have persisted; nothing worked, not even the various check-ups and CVT therapy I underwent.
The condition has worsened significantly since March 2026; now, I feel an intense, deep-seated pain. I suddenly feel like my life is completely over—I am a 31-year-old woman, and it feels like everything has ended. I experience heart palpitations and feel that dying instantly would bring me more peace than my current state of living. Even if I manage to fall asleep for a moment, I wake up to my heart pounding again. I feel like my life is over; seeing my graying hair makes me even more afraid. Meanwhile, my relationship with my husband is in a state of limbo—I lack the courage to leave and find happiness, yet I am not happy staying with him either. I spend the entire day in a state of panic, unable to summon the courage to do anything else; I feel increasingly isolated. What should I do in this situation? All I can think about is wishing for a quick death.