u/Illustrious-Wear7125

I am so sorry, i just always end up making posts about my situation and delete them because of my mental health. I'm that trans woman who her muslim parents yk tried to kill me literally and they are going to this time for real and they are going to get me wherever i go (living in an arab country not the us) and they are utterly serious about it. I'm so sorry for not elaborating and clarifying about my situation more, i am beyond depressed and i pushed myself so hard to just make this post and i still feel so worthless for doing it but all i can say is that i only have some handeful days in my hands before they find out everything and they are going to do it..... i really tried every possible method to leave the country for years and all of them failed in my face, im in that situation because they all failed in the first place. I wasnt willing to make this post at all but i pushed myself, for my fiancé. I need to stay alive for him. I don't know what do. I am extremely scared but trying to hold myself as much as i can for him. I just dont know. I really dont. I will just try to sleep for now it's 4am and still awake as always...

So yeah, i am a trans woman. She found pills, said the most homophobic and transphobic shit ever saod by a human being, she wouldve killed me herself if i wasnt 22yo. She couldnt tell him about me because he would have a heart attack. But she told him to cut my hair and after my reaction he knew something was going on, he tried to cit my hair with a big bread knife, i tried my best to deny what he thinks. She couldnt get over it. She couldnt sleep, she told him a little bit of the truth this time he got extremely angry, his face so red. Smashing things and telling me if its true and he would slaughter me right now but played the devil tricked me card to save myself and also tricked the psychiatrist (conservatives) but only have a little of time in my hands now before everything gets revealed and they would literal slaughter me, grew up in a lot of hamas pro taliban influenced famillies and schools.

I tried everything to leave the country for years but nothing worked. There is nowhere to go. Gosh north africa region is really screwed especially this stupid country. And please no chasers in my dms, i am engaged to my fiancé ffs, thank you for reading and sorry for not making more clear because im just hopeless and depressed, the situation is even worse than what i said up there...

I don't know what am i doing atp. Here i am again so traumatised and paralysed without being able to speak about it for days, idk why would i speak about it atp in the first place. My muslim parents were just seconds away from doing it this time again but i managed to save myself smartly. I'm atheist, they dont know obv i dont want more hell than what im already living. Living in the "middle east, almost 2 years on hrt diy, hiding in coats and hoodies for years from the extremely queerphobic society, i even wear them at home, maybe having some health issues like vitamin D dificiency. So after the last time it happened, my mother wasn't satisfied at all because my father still don't know the truth yet because i tricked him and she cannot tell it to him by herself because he could even have a heart attack or something messed up happens, he was about to cut my hair with a big ass knife last time when he just just felt there is something going on because of my reaction from crying and sobbing, he cutted my hair with scissors anyways. She is the one who found my pills hidden and went completely nuts saying the most homophobic and transphobic shit ever said by a human being and her idiotic religion, i swear if i was a little younger she would've beaten the shit out of me just from her reaction. When i told her yes this is the way i'm taking whether you lile it or not after lying to her and pretending for months i exploded. Anyways, so this time she went more insane and she even told him that i told her i wanna be a girl (iam a girl). He came to my room, smashed the door going really insane his face so red, my mother came in to the room watching from afar, locked with them. After a lot of questions and denying it to him and shit, my mother had to tell him and it was obvious, so i told him yes what she told you is true and he got more angry and started talking about how he would kill me to even try and saying the most disturbing shit to me but i had to save myeslf so i used religion and told him it was just ideas from satan, tried to fight them bla bla bla, he still doesnt know the full truth yet btw, just knowing me having these ideas and look what happened. And then she told him to take me to a psychiatrist (conservative ones here obv). On the car he kept talking about he would kill me at any moment and shit. Went to the psychiatrist, i also tricked the psychiatrist and ate my bait so he tricks my parents too so i won more time and they ate the bait too, for the moment.......... they don't know i dropped out of college, lying to them i'm just doing passing another bacalaureat at home, but ofc i'm not going next month because of yall know. I promised him to cut my hair in the next month even further and other shit but ofc im not doing them i'm just winning time. My fiancé is doing his exams in college and woreying him is the last thing i wanna do. I only have one month in my hand because that time and i break the promises ans everything gets revealed, they would really do it to me this time....

Please don't tell to leave my country because i know since the moment i came out to myself. I tried my very best to leave for years, organisation this, organisation that. Some of them they dont even respond or care and some are even for human trafic*king taking advantage of queer peaple in vulnerable situations. Making my passport, doing this doing that all the ways but nothing. I ended up in this situation because everything i tried and relied on just failed. If i run away from the house they will call the police and get me. I'm not asking for help but im asking for it at the same time. I really dk and please don't force your american views on me, yes they are my parents and they are assh*les but it's gonna be the same exact situation if i was born with my neighbours next door, they are all like that here and i wish them and my siblings a good life after i am not around them ig and please don't come to my dms and preach your religion on me, don't come to me and teach me my own language and what my peaple's religion says and insult my culture. I just don't know anymore, whatever....

I would live in hell with my fiancé than live alone in heaven.

Happened 5 or 6 days ago, couldn't speak because of the trauma and shit. My muslim parents ( i'm atheist, they don't know ofc) went fully nuts. It was my mother who found my pills (doing hrt diy living in the middle east) and was always suspicious about my long hair, she went extremely insane when she saw the pills and i always tried to deny what she's thinking about me that i'm trans but with time things were obvious and then i got so mad at her one time and i told her yes this is the way i'm taking whether you like it or not yes i'm transionting and then she went fully nuts saying the most homophobic and transphobic shit ever said by a human and about her stupid religion and she was about to have a heart attack screaming at me and she didn't sleep the whole night and went to heart doctor the next morning and she was aboit to faint and then she told my father that his child has a problem (she cannot say to him i'm trans because peaple here are ultra extremely queerphobic and he would've had a heart attack himself anyway) so he got mad at me and screaming at me, i was hiding but i had to talk to him. He got so mad, he cutted my long hair and because i was crying and sobbing so much he then clicked into his head that i'm trying to be a girl because of my reaction. He tried to cut my hair with a knife because he couldn't find the scissors at first. I told him "i don't want to be a girl" to save my ass. And then he told me if you wanna be a girl than go k*ll yourself, he would've done it if i admitted to him that i am trans and i'm taking pills. I'm not asking for help, i'm just venting. I cannot leave the country either tried everything. I have my husband who i love with all of my heart, that's all i care about. I probably have some serious vitamn D deficiency because i haven't seen the sun in years i look too pale i wear hoodies and coats all the time when i leave the house to hide myself from the extremely homophobic society. But it's okay i will make it out me and my husband one day. They will never stop me.

Sorry about any typos and english isn't my first language