u/Illustrious_Baker904

I would appreciate any/all advice on this, please. So, long story ( hopefully not too long) but short. I'm 53, male, single, no family of my own, no money and hardly no friends. I know no one is going to save me and its no ones responsibility, but it feels like all I do in life is go from putting out one fire after another. I am anxious and sometimes get so lonely because at the end of the day, I have no one. I am not a danger to anyone. I take edibles to get me by but my constant, "gotta take care of this", "don't forget to take care of that", "You forgot to take care of this". "Don't forget-This needs to be looked after", etc.

I am a very tired soul who feels just blah because it just feels all hopeless. And yes, I see a therapist and am on more meds than you can imagine. Any advice? Help? Ideas? As far as making friends, I really can't don't have any bonds due to depersonalization. I have had friends before and can be sociable but it seems all surface level. so, any ideas or help would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you.

For some reason, I always thought I couldn't see making it to 21. Then I did. Then I couldn't imagine myself in my 30s. I was. I have no life threatening diseases. I don't do hard drugs or engage in reckless behavior.

I also have had really lousy timing with just about everything. Either I just missed something, missed out on something and almost always seem to be a day late and well, you get the idea. Now, I am in my early 50s and for the first time in my life, I am doing pretty well. For the first time in my life I am not sad that much. Yes, I'm on Meds, see a therapist, but I feel like I really don't have long as things are actually working out for me for the first time. ( A Miracle and not usual for me). Am I paranoid( which I sometimes am)? I also will admit I am not always right, but find I am right about most things 95% of the time. I see things, can predict things, and know how they usually will go.

Has anyone ever felt this? Am I really "losing it"? I honestly don't know and I am so anxious so often about that and any other possible perceived or real problems coming down the pike my way. My life doesn't seem to be so much progress as just "getting by". I feel like I am making some headway these days. A little progress but nothing to be amazed by.

Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions would be greatly appreciated.