u/Illustrious_Can7678

Butter chicken on seasoned rice and salad with a side of chutney

Before reading, I ask that you have an open mind and I politely request that everyone refrains from insulting me and keeps the conversation helpful.

I have always been a messy person to some degree. I’m really not sure why. It seems as though a hurricane goes through whatever my living space is in 5 seconds and then I’m either too exhausted to do anything about it, or the idea of picking stuff up gives me such horrendous anxiety that I don’t do it. Then, the cause of the anxiety turns into me thinking about how I have procrastinated it and then I’m procrastinating even more, and I end up in a loop that never seems to end. This seemed to really start getting to a tipping point when I was about 16. I’m in my mid 20s now.

I do have periods for a few days or a couple weeks here and there where it gets to a semi-acceptable point, but even then, it’s never to a standard that I should be willing to accept for myself.

I am beginning to think I’m simply just a lazy person even though I don’t WANT to live this way. I just can’t snap myself out of it. Sometimes it’s weeks where garbage builds up and I don’t do laundry. The bags just pile up and clothes are all over my floor. Sometimes I have fruit flies too which makes me feel absolutely disgusting. I hate it so much. I don’t know what mental barrier I have that makes it so difficult for me to be a clean person and coming home every day feels like I’m walking into a space that makes me feel insane instead of comfortable. I need help and I don’t know where to even begin.

I’ve brought this up with a couple people and I’m usually just greeted with “that’s gross” or “it’s not that hard to clean” and that just makes me feel worse. I don’t need more criticism. I just need someone to listen to what I can only describe as a cry for help because I’m a grown woman and see me. I feel like a child with no sense of responsibility.

I’m worried that I won’t ever be able to start a family because I’ve never been able to even give myself a home that’s fit to live in and it breaks my heart. I want to feel free of this life long issue.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar to this? I don’t have any family close enough to help me clean up and I’m so embarrassed that I don’t want my friends to see.

I feel extremely childish writing this but any advice on how to help me get out of this tremendously difficult situation is greatly appreciated.

Could be anything, but I often get Creation of Adam vibes from his little poses and think this might be fun to do💃 go wild!

Wanted to share a pic of my extremely brave little man, Sergeant Woods. He was acting a little funny yesterday so I took him in today and turns out he has pancreatitis! I got him some medication and he should be all squared away in about a week! Everyone tell him how brave he is!!!!