unhealthily obsessed with mentor figure to the point of affecting my life
a couple of months ago I (17m) participated in a youth camp for people interested in a specific career (forgive me, I’m being intentionally vague). there I met someone involved in said career that broke a lot of norms, this particular career carries a lot of stigma if you don’t fit the mould. he is a member of the lgbt community (I am too) and is open about it, among other factors that make him stand out. he is a trailblazer within the local community. he is in a role where I have been able to see him even after the camp concluded. because of him I have been able to conclude that this career is for me, and that I may be able to fit into it despite being a queer person. he also has helped me with some mental health issues (doing so is applicable to his role within the career) because I had a rough go after the camp was over for several reasons. because of these factors combined I have become very attached to the idea of him, almost wishing that he could be a friend but also obviously he can’t be?? he is double my age and is strictly in a mentor position in my life. he has indicated that I can reach out to him whenever he is working but is highly professional about it. the obsession is (thankfully) one-sided, not that I’ve asked him. he is just incredibly professional and I always reach out to him, not the other way around.
I want to stop feeling this way about him while still being grounded in the idea of this being a potential career. this is a gross feeling to carry around and my parents have even discussed that he seems to have had a strange amount of impact on my life for no apparent reason. I want to let go and let my own feelings contribute to my thoughts about my future career as opposed to a guy who I guarantee is never thinking about me lol. (just to clarify for the rules sake, this is not an abusive or exploitative situation!)
also I know the career is likely easy to guess if you wanted to but I am so fearful of anyone I know (or God forbid the mentor) finding this post. thank you for reading, it feels good to get this out there