I am broke and it's my fault
Hi everyone, please don't judge me. I (25F) am struggling to make ends meet and it's eating me out alive.
I'll start with this. Last 4-5 years ago, I decided to not finish my college education due to my parents being Senior Citizens and my siblings have families on their own. I sacrificed because I know how it has been difficult for my siblings and my parents to support my education and house needs. I was honestly not smart so I coudn't get in to colleges that offer free tuition/scholarships.
When I got a job, I grinded long hours and sometimes I don't get much of a free day. This went on for months... until I suddenly passed out while working and I was diagnosed with a heart disease. That took a toll on me a lot since back then I love sports, I like to run, and when I knew that... It crushed me. Thankfully I still kept my job then but, I was not *me* anymore.
Fast forward to a few years, I was... and honestly still am struggling with FOMO. Like everyone has this and that and you're wondering "why don't I have one of those?". And I learned how to loan.
First, I loaned because I needed money to buy my medicine for my heart disease. Now I kept loaning because I needed to be financially stable because I was being pressured to buy stuff for my parents and things I wanted. Now I'm hitting rock bottom. I don't go outside (after work), I fear talking to other people, I fear taking phone calls (especially the ones I have loaned at), I fear everything.
I know this is my fault and I deserve this, but I honestly can't go on and I'm struggling. I don't know what to do...