u/Im_bad_at_names_1993

So I got mean girled out of an autism sub.

In a post about health anxiety, I saw a commenter who said they were unable to touch anything after touching something outside until they washed their hands. It genuinely worried me. That seems like it could really negatively impact their life.

I carefully and gently said it might be worth talking to someone about.

I didn't say you needed to see a professional, or that they were a germaphobe, or anything mean. Just a gentle, hey you should maybe think about these experiences a little bit.

The person I was talking to responded positively. We had a good conversation about it, and I was clear to never diagnosis them or anything close to that. Just explained how I was worried about them. 13-15 people upvoted me.

I was removed for being "unkind" and "psychoanalyzing."

I broke zero rules. I checked. Multiple times. I had other people check. There are literally zero rules about expressing concern for a fellow commenter. Zero. The mods themselves admitted it was a "gray area" and that the content of my comments wasn't actualy the problem, it was the context and flair. Which there are no rules about that. At all.

Meanwhile in the same thread someone called a real person "pathological." Someone said another person "has OCD." Someone told me I was "so much work." All still up. Totaly fine apparently.

I modmailed asking for clarification like a calm, polite, reasonable person. Though I was a little sad.

Every single time. I asked specific questions, I explained my reasoning, I acknowledged their perspective.

They never actually responded to what I said. They talked in circles around me, and refusing to engage with the actual substance of anything I raised.

I wrote a sad, honest goodbye message about how this was one of my only social spaces and I got this weird message just reminding me everyone there was autistic? And I was like thanks for reminding me I get misunderstood by autistic people as well.

Got told I was being unkind, given RSD resources, and muted for 3 days.

They did to me exactly what they claimed I did to others. And somehow I'm the asshole. It just really upsets me because I'm struggling with loneliness and lack of community right now. Thanks for like ruining one of the like 2 places I kinda sorta get a little socializing

So I'm in my semi biannual, I just want one goddamn friend phase.

Most of the time in fine being without friends. I have my wife and my brothers, but every other year or so I get extremely sad that, other than my family I'm alone.

Each time it happens I try again, and it never works but I still try.

This time I decided to try a crochet group. I used to go to one a few years ago, when we lived in another city, and while I didn't have friends there, I had company, which is at least a step.

Now my old group was at this holistic healing place, and it was basically just a group of ND people who'd do crafts near each other, and we'd occasionally talk, and I'd mostly listen.

So I was kinda hoping for the same thing.

I couldn't find a "holistic healing" place, but my local LGBTQ+ place has one, so I was hoping it would be similar.

It was so loud.

I accidentally got there earlier than like half of the regular attendees, and got stuck in the middle of a T shaped table.

There were 2 very loud conversations going on at the same time, and they were kind of going over me literally, like people had to shout across the table to each other.

I didn't bring my earplugs because it's a crochet group. It's supposed to be chill.

At one point I was supposed to introduce myself, and there was this really loud secondary conversation going at the same time, and it was so bad I couldn't think, so I asked to skip for now until I could try again in quiet.

Then they made a big deal out of it, in like a "good" way. Like they apologized for talking over people and went back so those that were talked over were heard, but I just wish we could have skipped along.

Then I was supposed to say if I was "stiched" or "bitched" today, and when I asked what they mean. I was told both could be good or bad. And when I tried to not do that part, they kinda doubled down and I ended up just making something up.

It was an hour long group and I ended up pretty shut down for probably 40 minutes of it just from the volume and multiple conversations at the same time.

But I tried, and that's the important part.

I'm going to try again next week, but this time make sure I wear my earplugs, and sit farther away from everyone.