Wife is depressed, and has been spiraling more
Im hoping to get some input on this.
Understand i am autistic, and my wording and my descriptions are not the best.
Me and my wife have been together for 9 years, and have an 8 year old daughter. The last few months she has been going into a depressive spiral. She sits at home all day, and works 2 times a week. I do my best to take her out at keast once a week to go do something fun, and entertaining. This works temporarily.
She has been wanting to breakup and live with her sister or her grandparents permanently and take out daughter with her. I told her no, either she works it out, or I'll get custody. I work a full time job, and am starting in the trades soon with a 24 an hour job. I am mentally sound, and discipline. I've learned to have pride and respect for all of the fields I've worked.
She has said that I am the reason she's depressed. When I try to get an explanation, she never truly tells me. It sounds more like a scapegoat to prevent telling me. But I know theres more.
Dont get me wrong, im not the greatest guy, I swear a lot and have been working on that. Yes im loud when my daughter does not tell, even threatening to ground her. Yes I dont let her talk, but its not intentional. And ive been working on that. I want to change for her more. But she never tells me much. Tbh id rather she slaps the shit out of me when I do something stupid.
The whole thing from my point of view seems to be about money. She doesn't like she cant save up. That she doesn't want to pay the bills. She thinks she's dependent on me. The reality is, I am beyond dependent on her. She is the reason why I do what I do. Why I work, why I care, she gives me hope for something better. But instead she would rather breakup, harm our daughters development.
Out daugh is not dumb. She is a intelligent child, even coming a few points from joining some of the special science program, math programs, even being able to qualify for specialized programs at other schools. She is the top of her class. Even at a 4th grade level while being in the second grade. So everything happening now, im trying to shield her from, as i went through something similar when I was her age.
Another thing that doesn't make it better is her therapist seems to make it worse by saying to break up with me. Her family also makes it no better. Her dad never liked me, and her youngest sister never liked me. If anything they've always been about trying to exclude me. But my wife would never allow that and they know that.
So here I am trying to make everything work, we still do stuff together, we are still together, and we are moving to a different apartment soon. So she seems very much committed, but the mental exhaustion, and the fact that im autistic, and if anyone's met autistic people, we have a breaking point. I am not medicated, but I tend to handle stress and pressure well. Ill vent mostly, and listen to music. I will never out myself in my own mind.
The things I have done is comfort her, letting her know im here. And ill always be here. Ill even mention stuff that she needs to keep her mind occupied, and not go into her head. Ive told her that her head can be your best friend, or a weapon. I slip into it once in awhile and it makes me depressed when I do some deep thinking. Ill tell her to play video games. Shes been playing Disney dreamlight, but I tell her to play something that requires her to think. Actually think, like COD, or Battlefield, GTA. Those have helped me a lot, and they have helped her.
Ive tried to give her articles about herself, and help her identify her depression. While she says its me, theres a lot more. Including pent up childhood abuse, and other personal things.
I am sorry if I am all over the place as its not my intention. I'm just more or less taking this as its generalized depression.