u/ImaginaryWasabi69

I really need advice because I’m too embarrassed to ask anyone I know in real life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Since AI has become more mainstream, we both use Chatgpt for different things. As far as I knew, he mostly used it for school, budgeting, general questions, stuff like that.

Recently I lost my wallet, and while I’m waiting for my replacement cards, my Chatgpt Plus subscription payment failed. I needed to upload images, and since my boyfriend has Plus too (and has let me use his account before), I logged into his account thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal.

While I was trying to upload something, I noticed a chat title that caught my attention. In retrospect, know I shouldn’t have opened it but I did.

It turned out to be from after an argument him and I had. He was venting to ChatGPT, which I guess he was using as a therapist. But what I read completely caught off guard.

He said things like, “My girlfriend is ugly and acts entitled, pick one.” He called me a bitch. He said he wished he had a prettier girlfriend who didn’t act like me. He’s never said anything remotely like that to my face. He has always told me I’m beautiful.

As hurt as I already was, I kept reading (I know, I shouldn’t have). I found multiple conversations where he talked about “struggling” with lusting after other women. He described looking at women in a very sexual way and comparing me to them. He told Chatgpt he felt like he could be with someone prettier and better. In one chat, he even talked about seeing a really attractive woman somewhere and wanting to go back to that area just because he had seen her.

I’m leaving out a lot because some of it gets pretty explicit and could identify us, but that’s the general idea. I didn’t find anything that suggested he physically cheated on me, but I feel like I discovered a completely different side of him that I never knew existed.

The hardest part is that while he tells me things like, “You’re beautiful,” and “Your body is perfect,” he’s telling ChatGPT things like, “Why doesn’t my girlfriend have these things?” (referring to a big butt) and comparing me to other women physically.

Part of me feels guilty because these conversations were clearly private, and I wasn’t supposed to read them. I know he was probably treating ChatGPT like a journal or therapist. But another part of me feels like what I read revealed his real thoughts.

Now my self-esteem is at an all-time low. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know if I can trust his compliments or even look at him the same way. Right now, I honestly want to leave, but I’m also wondering if I’m overreacting. Is this something people think during relationships and just never say out loud? Or are these thoughts and behaviors a serious red flag?

I can’t stop thinking that if I had never stumbled across these chats, this would have continued indefinitely. I keep wondering if someone who thinks this way is eventually going to cheat. Has anyone been through something similar? If you were in my position, what would you do?

I’m in my early 20s and trying to decide what the better move is for my future. I started at community college and now I’m stuck between two paths.

Right now I work as an admin assistant at a technology reseller that works with government contracts. I think the job is stable and I have good relationships with people at my work to potentially move up when I am done with college. I’m learning a lot, and I’m getting office/professional experience early on.

But I’m also thinking about either:

• staying at my job and doing Western Governors University online, or
• quitting and going to a state school full time for the regular college experience.

I don’t really have major financial responsibilities right now, which makes me feel like this is the only time in my life I can fully focus on school if I want to. At the same time, I also care a lot about getting ahead financially and building a stable career early.

Part of me feels like keeping the job is the smarter long term move because experience matters. But another part of me feels like I might regret missing out on the full college experience and networking opportunities at a state school, plus I heard balancing WGU with working full time can be difficult.

Would you stay working and do online school, or go all in on school full time if you were in my position? Especially curious to hear from people who transferred from community college or work in tech/business.

TLDR:
Early 20s, former community college student. Trying to decide between keeping a stable admin job and doing online school, or quitting to go to a state school full time. Want to set myself up financially but also don’t want regrets.