u/Imaginary_Cat_4188

I (27F) have a younger sister (23F), “Jess”. Aside from normal sibling spats, Jess and I were close growing up. And have remained close until the last three years. I first noticed a shift when she started dating “Al”. Al is a part of a trio friend group; Al, Andy, and Danny. Jess became a part of that group and they all grew very close with one another. Here’s when the shift happened… Al and Jess broke up, but because Jess was now a part of the friend group, they wanted to stay friends. During this time, Jess and Randy became close and ended up sleeping together. Simultaneously, Jess and Danny started “talking” and sleeping together as well. Al took the break up hard, so Jess kept this information from him, and none of the boys know that she was sleeping with the others. Fast forward some time, Jess confided in me that she had feelings for Danny but didn’t know what to do. I was honest with her and said that she had to stop sleeping with Randy if she wanted to be with Danny. She agreed and eventually Danny and Jess became official.

After Jess and Danny started dating openly, Jess and I spent less time with one another (because we were both busy with life things). I tried my best to stay in contact with her; calling and texting to see how she was or sharing bits of my life, trying to set up times to hang out, double dates, etc. But every time I reached out, she either took days to call back or weeks to text back. Her average response time to a text was about 10-15 days. I have expressed to her many times that I love and miss her and that it feels like a one-sided effort to keep the relationship going. She agreed and said she will be more responsive and wanted to hang out more. We probably had that conversation like 5 times at this point and she hasn’t gotten any better with responding. After a certain point, I stopped reaching out and trying because I just figured she was busy with her life and would reach out when she wanted to.

This is where things really blow up. Within the last 6 months, Jess has been “lashing out” at me. We don’t get together often, usually just for family things. But almost every time we are together, she will get really angry with me or the people around her, seemingly out of nowhere. For example, one of the times Jess asked me what I have been up to lately. I responded, “I went out somewhere with a female friend”. And Jess FREAKED out at me, accusing me of flexing that I have a lot of female friends and bragging about my “posh” lifestyle. Situations like this have been happening more and more frequently over the last 6months, to the point where my parents and husband are concerned about her mental health. Jess has exploded at them too, and has seen her explode at me. We have all been extremely on edge around her. I am constantly worried about how she will take what I say and have been very limited in what I say during family events because of this.

The most recent thing that made me post was a phone call between me and Jess. Jess noticed that I have been off and wanted to talk, so we decided to call. During the phone call, I brought up how her big emotional reactions to things has been making me been uneasy and anxious. She flipped and started accusing me of not loving and caring about her anymore because I don’t text/call like I used to. Jess also said that ever since I got married and started working, I just talk about my “posh” lifestyle to make her upset. I really didn’t know what to say because I was really anxious and hurt. I explained that sharing my life wasn’t intended to be a brag, but more so because I worked really hard to get where I am and I thought she would be happy for me. For reference, the “posh” things I talked to her about were moving into my first nice apartment, or getting a dog, or going on a trip somewhere. Jess really didn’t like what I had to say. She said that if I kept having an “attitude”, she knew where I lived and would come hit me with her car. At that point I got really scared and uncomfortable and told her to reach out when she was ready to converse without saying hurtful things.

I think maybe when I share things about my life, it becomes a trigger point for her insecurities. Like when I bring up having female friends, I think an insecurity of hers is only having the boys friend group. Same with some other things… I’m really not sure what’s going on. My therapist said it sounds like she has borderline. I don’t know what to do at this point. I love her but I’m scared of her. I’m just really sad about everything 😔

Dinner: Gummy bear ice cream