u/Imaginary_Shake_2732

I know something’s wrong with me.. I just don’t know what. I suspect I may be a narcissist. I’ll list all the traits I think make me a narcissist.

1. I’m deeply jealous of people who are skilled at making small talk, socializing and relating well with others. It seems to come so easily to some people.

2. I violate people’s boundaries by going through their belongings. It’s like an impulsive urge and I do it out of curiosity. I do it less now that I’m older

3. I struggle with empathizing with men. For a long time, I didn’t think adult men had feelings

4. I struggle to communicate my boundaries as an adult and become resentful when they’re crossed. This is strange because I was really good at setting boundaries when I was younger and was called selfish because of it

5. I hold lifelong grudges

6. My idea of humility is not showing off my talents and abilities because people might think that I’m a “show off” while simultaneously desiring to be seen and praised for it. I only sing in my room because of this.

7. Sensitive to rejection. I withdraw socially if I think people dislike me. Struggle initiating friendships because I might get rejected.

8. I can’t make up my mind about anything or anyone and really don’t have a sense of self either

9. Socializing feels like a performance. I noticed that I mask a lot - I’m overly nice, I put on a big fake smile that my face hurts, I go out of my way to be helpful because that’s what people are supposed to do.

10. I give the silent treatment to people I’m in a low stakes relationship with during conflict (coworkers, roommates, classmates etc)

Update: I scored low on the narcissism scale (1) but high on hypersensitive narcissism scale (44)

I (30F) recently started having sex with (48M). We’re not in a committed relationship yet. He’s well endowed and I don’t have much sexual experience. He often makes comments about his size and since we started having sex..it’s all he talks about. First time we had sex, he inspected my vagina with his finger as if to check whether I’m tight or not. His version of dirty talk is making me say that I love his big penis and often brags about how he’s the largest size I’ve ever taken. Last night he repeated something he once said in passing.. that he’s wrecked me and nobody else will get the chance to enjoy me. I finally called him out on it but he brushed it off as “just guy talk” and that I shouldn’t internalize it. Well.. too late. It’s making me feel insecure. Should I be concerned about this behavior? Is this abuse? A kink? He has other great qualities about him.