u/Imcreepinn

I feel like I’m going a little crazy over this and need some outside perspective.

My younger sister is about to turn 19 and just decided she’s flying out to California to stay with a guy she’s only been talking to for about 2-3 months. They’ve only met in person once. We’re from a really small town in the Midwest (like maybe 2,000 people), so neither of us grew up with a ton of real-world exposure, which I think is part of why this is stressing me out.

He actually flew out here recently and she barely told anyone. When he dropped her off, he had my mom and brother come outside to meet him. He brought my mom a flower, acted super polite, nice car, very put-together and then told my mom he wanted to fly her out to California. Somehow everyone just went along with it. Now she’s getting on a plane to go stay with him at his place. No hotel, no separate space, nothing. And she won’t tell me basic information not exactly where she’ll be, how old he is, what he does, anything. If I ask, she says I’m being negative or that I “ruin everything.” She also doesn’t have a job, savings, or any kind of backup plan. He’s paying for the trip. So if anything goes wrong, she’s completely dependent on him. What makes this harder is she’s already been around people connected to this same circle before and it didn’t go well. She ended up basically stuck in a house for days, smoking weed and drinking, then going out during the day doing sketchy door-to-door petition work. It wasn’t a good situation, and this guy is tied into those same people.

Part of why I’m so on edge about it is because I’ve actually lived that lifestyle before. I spent months out in California doing similar work. I had some good experiences, but I also saw how fast things can turn. The difference is I had a car, I had money, and I always made sure I had a way out if I needed it. She doesn’t.

I’m also worried about her mindset right now. It feels like her priorities are completely centered around relationships, and she shuts down any kind of guidance. I don’t want her getting into a pattern this young where she relies on men to create a life for her instead of building one for herself. I’ve tried talking to her calmly and focusing on safety, not telling her she can’t go, but she immediately gets defensive and acts like I’m judging her. So now I’m stuck between feeling like I’m overstepping and feeling like this is genuinely not a safe situation for a 19-year-old girl with no backup plan.

If you were in my position, would you keep pushing the conversation or back off and let her make her own choices?

So annoyed with the title typo but I don't want to delete out of respect for the comments already given

I need some outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m being overprotective or if this is actually as concerning as it feels. My younger sister is turning 19 next month and she’s planning to fly out to California alone to stay with a guy she’s only been talking to for like 2–3 months. We’re from a really small town in the Midwest (like maybe 2,000 people). Not a lot of real-world exposure. I think that is a big reason she is rushing this fast life. She has met him once. He actually flew out here to visit her recently, but she was really secretive about it the whole time. When he dropped her off, she had my mom and brother come outside to meet him. He had rented a brand new Mustang, bought my mom a flower, acted super put together, and told my mom he wanted to fly my sister out to California. She agreed. My mom often forgets to put the parenting into being a parent, which is another big reason we are in this situation. Now my sister is planning to go stay with him. No hotel, no separate place, just with him. She won’t tell me where exactly she’s going, how old he is, what he does for work, nothing. Every time I ask, she says I’m being judgmental or that I “ruin things.” She also has no job, no savings, and no backup plan if something goes wrong. This entire trip is being paid for by him. What makes this worse is that she’s already gotten involved with people from the same circle before and it went really badly. She basically ended up stranded, wasn’t making money, and was in a house for over 2 weeks drinking/doing drugs and then going out during the day doing sketchy door-to-door petition stuff. The guy she’s going to see is connected to those same people. The frustrating part is I’ve actually lived that lifestyle before. She is basing her safety on the fact that I did this before and was "fine." I went out to California for about 6 months doing that same kind of petition/signing work. I lived out of my car, hotels, even someone’s garage at one point. I saw a lot of good but also a lot of bad and a lot of situations that turned unsafe fast. The difference is I had a car, I had money, and I always made sure I had a way out (Uber, hotel, flight home, etc). She doesn’t have any of that. I think another piece of this that’s really bothering me is her mindset right now. She has no real priorities outside of relationships, and I’m scared that experiences like this are going to reinforce the idea that the way to “make it” or build a life is by finding a guy to rely on instead of building something for yourself. I don’t want that to become a pattern for her this young. My biggest concern is that she’s putting herself in a situation where she has zero control. She’ll be in his environment, relying on him for everything. She’s also pretty inexperienced with relationships and I worry about her getting manipulated by love bombing or feeling stuck if things go south. And yeah, my brain goes to worst case too. I’ve seen enough to know things like exploitation and trafficking are real, especially when someone is isolated and dependent like this. If something did happen, we only have my mom and brothers recollection of his appearance. I’ve tried talking to her about it calmly, just from a safety standpoint, not telling her she can’t go. But she takes everything as me judging her and shuts down. I know I can be blunt, but I don’t know how to approach this in a way she’ll actually hear. She also claims she doesn't "trust" me to have her location which I don't know what that means. I have never tracked her down but I have questioned why she's in places (hours away) that she wasn't expected to be.

Am I overreacting here? And if not, how do I handle this without completely pushing her away?