u/Immediate-Land4913

im sorry this is long

22f and grew up in special ed all thru out school. i was in regular classes but had an aide with me depending on the class, i grew up wondering if i had something wrong with me, i literally never fit in at school and was basically mute and i was told i have an intellectual disability my whole life but recently my mom says i dont because my iq is just slightly below average. ive always had trouble with hygiene since i was little and had to be taught how to shower properly until around 14 because i genuinely have a hard time...

im 22 now and still have problems, i feel so embarrassed because i came out of the shower early like 20 mins ago and (mind you i live with my parents still) and they scolded me or lectured me how i wasnt even in there for 5 minutes and how i stank, so i had to take a good shower and i was confused and i went back to shower and my mom knocked on the door to make sure i was actually showering.. i felt humiliated and wanna cry because this isnt normal for someone my age.

i feel like a failure. my parents suspect i have autism or something and i was born with birth defects and had to have surgery right after i was born (c section).. theres so much at my age i dont know, i dont know basic stuff adults should. i dont go to college or work, i dont drive, i stay home and help my parents

we dont have money or insurance to get me a diagnosis and my dad isnt working right now and hasnt had a stable job in years

what is wrong with me?!?! im not asking for diagnosis but im just so upset that im this way, why am i so far behind and slow?!?!? im told my brain is basically 'that of a 12 year old' and i appear extremely childlike and aloof etc... but even 12 year olds can shower fine and know more than me... im just pushed aside.. i love my mom and dad (im an only child) but this makes me sad, my dad moreso believes me now, my mom suddenly changing opinions hurts me... i dont wanna vent this to my parents right now because its late and they get stressed when i bring up heavy topics at night and since we are going thru family drama. i cant count money properly, basic math is hard for me. i applied to 80+ jobs and cant get hired, i had an interview and was promised a follow up and never got it

i wasnt sheltered or anything at all... i was super introverted as a kid and my 'best friend' was a orange fly swatter named ida.. which is sad-- i do draw a lot and play games and my one irl friend whos neurodivergent says i definitely have something going on with me. i dont get what it is! why cant i function normally? will i need to go to a group home someday? im afraid for my future... my parents say i dont need to worry because they know im not disabled... please help i need advice or just a word im super nervous and its boggling my mind really bad...