u/Immediate_Editor9036

ok so I recently started therapy to help me work through the emotions and anxiety I have had since leaving the church. I’m 23 and started going to an evangelical, fundamentalist, Pentecostal church when I was 15. the therapy session was seriously so helpful and insightful for me and I felt really understood and I just wanted to talk about it.

I struggle a lot with the fear that I’m making the wrong choice or turning my back on god. I’m also in a relationship with a non Christian and this complicated things even more for me because I used to hear so many warnings about dating outside of faith, I can’t even describe the internal conflict and guilt I would feel when we first started dating. And not to mention the shame I felt when we first became intimate. I stopped going to church because I decided I didn’t want to feel guilt anymore, but then that caused the worry that I was avoiding accountability, because as the say, “iron sharpens iron”

My therapist really helped me understand that the guilt and shame that I feel about some of the decisions I’ve made isn’t even coming from my idea of “god”, it’s coming from the people at the church, and it’s their voices in my head that I hear whenever I feel like I’m doing something wrong, and it’s the fear that like I’m going to be rejected and ostracized by a community that sunk its claws into me and formed my beliefs when I was a teenager which is a really important time in life for creating your own worldview.

when I first left, I had a few friends tell me the best thing to do is end my relationship. I had another ex friend tell me that people were talking about me at church and her response was that I “never got to make mistakes” so I should be allowed to do this. this friend also would pray for me because ”the enemy is placing lies in my head”.

the more I thought about these things, the angrier I got. why do they get to tell me how I should live my life? whenever they reach out to me and ask to see me I can always sense that it won’t be just a normal hangout like it’ll be a push to try and get me to come back because in their minds, god is using them to speak to me and they are right and I’m wrong and I’m making a mistake. they think they are divinely anointed so they understand things better than I do and it infuriates me. They think that because they prayed and my name popped up in their mind, that must be god telling them that I’m lost and they need to save me. Like why would god talk to YOU about me but he would never talk to me when I would try to pray ?? Like leave me the fuck alone for real. They are so self righteous

I left in October. On sundays I still feel weird and guilty about not going. people and pastors from church check in with me out of concern or to meet with me. I just got invited to a grad party next week, my old youth pastor’s husband just got a doctoral degree. I felt really weird receiving this invitation, I don’t know why. I care about both of them and I think they are nice people but I’m not sure if I want to go. it would be hard to face everyone. ive only talked to 2 people from church about my change in faith. one of those people is no longer my friend, the other reacted kindly. for everyone else I just say I’m busy with my masters degree. Sometimes i feel like I’m making a mistake by choosing a life away from religion and church, even tho I know its for the best in the long run.

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Hi, i've lurked on this subreddit for a while and just decided to create and account to vent about this situation to people who might understand.

i am 23, i left church like 7 months ago. it happened slowly i basically just decided i didnt really wanna go anymore when i started seeing someone who is not a christian and i saw that i didnt need god to be happy. i initially tried to keep going to church when i started dating him but ultimately couldn't do it because of the "unequally yolked" beliefs and i was someone who was heavily involved for a long time so it felt like my love life was under scrutiny. it was like i was hardwired to feel guilt and shame. i had a close friend encourage me to end things with him and i almost did but ultimately i made the decision to leave church instead and thats when my deconstruction started and i finally confronted all of the questions and doubts ive had over the years.

obviously it has been difficult and i've lost some friends throughout this process. over the past week or so one of the pastors at the church has been asking me to meet with him for coffee and i feel like this has been making me feel anxious, but at the same time i feel obligated to? like idk he was someone i went to for advice back in the day and i know he means well and he cares, but im really not interested in being judged or "called higher" or being told im doing something wrong. i dont even know what i believe at this point i just am not interested in evangelicial, fundamentalist christianity anymore. I have been kind of blowing him off about it which i feel bad about but i dont want to be put in a position where i need to justify my decisions like it just feels like im in a weird position. i know for a fact people have talked about me and why im not around and i have given very few people an explanation, i usually just say im busy with grad school when they ask. which is true. but the excuse isnt really working anymore.