u/Immediate_History873

I'm curious whether this is actually a language/cultural difference or if I'm overthinking it.

My(F25) boyfriend's(M27) mom is from El Salvador. Spanish is her first language, but she also speaks English well enough.

A while back, she apologized to me for the way she had treated me. Part of her apology said something along the lines of:

>"I am sorry if anything I said or did hurt you. I was wrong."

The part that stuck with me was the word "if." As a native English speaker, "I'm sorry if I hurt you" often comes across as avoiding responsibility, almost like saying, "I'm sorry if you felt hurt," instead of acknowledging that you actually did something hurtful.

My boyfriend disagrees. He says this is a common translation issue from Spanish to English. According to him, even if someone clearly did something wrong (he even used the example of someone slapping another person), a sincere apology in Spanish might naturally translate to "I'm sorry if I hurt you," even though the speaker fully accepts responsibility. He says that's just how apologies are often phrased.

She also explicitly said, "I was wrong," so I'm wondering if I'm reading too much into the wording because I'm interpreting it through an English-speaking lens.

For native Spanish speakers, or anyone familiar with Latin American Spanish, does my boyfriend have a point? Is "I'm sorry if I hurt you" a natural way of expressing a genuine apology in Spanish, or does it carry the same non-apology connotation that it often does in English?

*If you saw my other post, yes, I am double posting. Sorry lol.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been having a heated debate about this.

His mom is Salvadoran, grew up in San Salvador, and has lived in the U.S. for about 25 years. I'm Mexican, Puerto Rican, and Black, but I was born and raised in the Midwest (U.S.)and have a much more laid-back upbringing.

She is someone who is always very put together;heels, makeup, styled hair, nice clothes, etc. My family is the opposite. We dress up for holidays and special occasions, but day-to-day we're in jeans, T-shirts, casually nice outfits, ponytails, and comfy clothes when at home (she stay in her work clothes until bed).

My boyfriend says that whenever we stay with his mom (she lives in another state, so we'd be guests in her home), I should always present the "best version" of myself like Sunday’s church best every time she sees me. He says it's about adapting to her household and culture out of respect, not changing who I am but "adapting".

Listen, I agree with adapting to things like taking my shoes off, eating meals together, helping around the house, and following the household routine. But I feel appearance is different. I am not opposed to dressing like a normal clean person but I don't think another adult should expect me to wear makeup, style my hair, or dress like I'm going to church every day just to be considered respectful or to be accepted.

It also doesn't help that I'm mid/plus-size, don't have a particularly fashionable wardrobe, and know she comments on my boyfriend's weight, so it makes me feel even more self-conscious.

My boyfriend insists this is a cultural expectation in many Salvadoran/Hispanic families. I understand respecting another family's customs, but I don't want to feel like I have to perform a polished version of myself just to be accepted. It is way too exhausting and inauthentic.

I also start to think of how it will be when my bf and I have our own house and SHE is the guest. Do I have to keep this up then too or is this a "because this is her domain" thing?

My ex boyfriend’s mom or family was not like this, she has been in the U.S. for the same amount of time and is from Mexico. I even wondered if this was a "people from the capital" thing but he says no that is a general custom across the board.

For those from Hispanic families (especially Salvadoran), is this actually a common expectation, or is it more of an individual family value? And regardless of culture, would you expect your partner to dress "Sunday best" every day while staying with your parents?

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my boyfriend (M27) and I (F25) have almost been together for two years, he is from out of state but now lives with me in my state and has been for the last 9, going on 10 months. He is home visiting his family and one thing that has always drove me crazy is that if I do not plan my calls with him, he will literally NEVER excuse himself to take my call. Just now, I had a non urgent but time sensitive question to ask him so I decided to quickly call him to make my question and his answer less complicated. But instead of answering like a normal phone call ( phone to ear) he turns his camera on, continuing his conversation with his mom and gma and points the camera at them to sort of tell me that he is in a conversation. I am speaking in the phone like " hello? hello? hello? " and then he pulls the phone close to him and says with an attitude" Im with my family." I respond to him and say " Okay? I have to ask you something!" he says " Is it really that important, I am literally visiting my family?" mind you, he says this almost as like a ' you know im with my family why are you bothering me' and his tone is just horrible. I told him that yes, it's important that is why I am calling. (we hadn't called the whole 3 days he's been there so I felt it should've been obvious that if I m calling there's a specific reason for it.) he still has an attitude but says that he is going to go upstairs to his room so I can ask my question. As he is making his way to his room, his gma continues talking to him and asks him if he can help her with something, he says yes and starts walking to her but quietly tells me, " youre going to have to wait until im done" I then mention that my question pertains to his job (because I am trying to help him get a new one).

Now?? he's all ears about what I got to say, his whole tune shifts and he turns to his gma and tells her that he will meet her in a second.

I just think his reaction is absolute BS and disrespectful.

Like I get the fact that 1. I am calling unannounced, 2. they may have been in a conversation but wtf man, I hate feeling so pushed to the side. like he couldn't even answer the phone like a normal person and say " hey babe, I am in a conversation right now. Do you need something or can I call you back?" I dont need him to drop them and talk to me for hours but honestly, God forbid it was an emergency. He is very close with his family nd he always tells me never to doubt my place with him because he literally moved away from his family to be with me and I appreciate that so much, he is amazing for so many things that he has done. BUT although he did make such a huge sacrifice for me, whenever they are around, I always feel 2nd, 3rd, 4th place. I understand giving him space when he is with them since he cant see them often but when I say I am pushed aside in their presence, I really really am. I had developed resentment towards them and not because of anything they have done but because of him. He gets alll giddy and excited when he is around them which is nice but its like when only 2 people can fit on the sidewalk and you have to walk on the grass and doge all the branches but no-one notices because theyre so into their conversation. It makes me wanna burst into tears.

later on, he sent me an "Im sorry" message and I am still heated so I tell him that I do not accept it or his disrespect and then his reply is "it was intrusive for you to call me while I am with my mom and gma, especially on my last night with them but *thankfully* you had a good reason to call so it was excuse because it had to do with my future [ in his job ]' I corrected him to let him know that I am supposed to be his future too so I don't need to be shrugged off.

it just makes me think, what about when we get married ( not engaged but have talked about it), you still going to hush your wife on the phone? I think the FUCK not.

listen, I understand what he is trying to say but only in the case that I was just calling to chit chat but I wasnt, I needed information from him that was time sensitive but he never even took a second to check on why I was calling, just instantly got defensive.

info: I know this post make him out to be horrible but he genuinely is perfect 80-90% of the time. when it is just me and him, I am the one and only person that matters but when his family is involved im like 6th inline. it goes without saying, he is a huge huge family guy.