u/ImplementFlaky6265

kya karu anxiety mein bakchodi hee suj rahi hain

I'm a dropper. I told my mom today about me switching to bitsat. she said "1 saal drop le ke fhir fayda kya hua😭" tbh she's not wrong. She asked me,"Baaki bachho ka kaise ho jata hain fhir, tumhara kyu nahi hua" who's gonna tell her I'm a dumbfuck. Taking this decision was already so hard tbh and I am quite sure about this now I guess, but I feel so bad now man. I could see the disappointment right on her face. Itna adv ka prep feels like a waste. I fuckin hope it's worth it. I need to lock in. I may delete this post later or whatever. Lol I'm not even rich, I will take a loan so that my father doesn't need to stress out much. Ahh! Life is unfair!!

All these days I always thought I'll prepare for advanced. I've done advanced level questions, I should not get distracted but today I gave a mock of jee advanced (6 hour) and seeing the marks I thought maybe I am really not made for advanced you know. It feels like everything was a waste. If I try to manage both bitsat and advanced, I'll mess up both. I was/am very delusional I guess. I need to move on from advanced now I think. I feel like I am running away from the hard parts. Left the jee advanced subreddits today, if i see them it will remind me how much of a failure I am. Just like last year, koi comeback nahi ho paya mera. All this might sound so much dramatic but like you know the last 3 years it was conditioned into me ki advanced ki prep karo, yeh karo marks badhenge, all those teachers ke prep talks. It all feels like a waste. I've disappointed my parents so much, they still support me. It's devastating.

Kal se bitsat ke liye padhna shuru kardungi. zyada hee lamba rant ho gaya. I just wanted to get this out. Well, yeahh i guess that's it.