u/Important-Hand3950

I know whom controls a lot of my life and I wish I understood, why?

You know my secrets.
You know my weaknesses.
You know my empathy.

You also know my strengths and awareness.
The people that pass through in different outfits, hairstyles, personalities. You know I see through it.

You test me constantly.

You’ve seen me fail, fall into temptation and pull myself back out.

You know I’m respectful even though I lose my temper, which after this heart break has somehow suddenly taught me to bite my tongue.

I help when I can, even if I have nothing left for myself. I don’t tolerate bullying.

I hold so many secrets because people know they can trust me, even though they all betray me.

I was taught how to prioritize and run a business by age 21. I have so much potential and no where to put it.

You know that I’m finally leaving my job. And I do owe you a thank you for making me stay another year. Within the last year I have learned so much and have become so much stronger.

A year ago I was weak, angry and a pathetic mess. You made me stay until I could clean myself up and walk away with a purpose and not just a silly broken heart.

Right now I live in a broken home that makes me miserable every second I’m in it, by my parents that truly don’t care about me. My car is completely falling apart and I’m lucky it will get me to work and back. I cut out my best friend whom was a sister to me for 18 years because she refuses to grow no matter how hard I try to help her, I can’t and I know it’s best for me to let her go and I pray my absence can force her to find her own strength. I’m leaving the job that I once loved more than anything in the world. I’m leaving the family that showed me more love and support than I’ve ever gotten in my life. I really do love each and every one of them. Oh will I miss you all. That family came along with the man that my heart chose over and over and over again. Until he finally made my heart accept that I’m not someone he could or would ever love. I’m going to keep growing, keep getting stronger, keep learning lessons. But I can’t do that if I stay somewhere that broke my heart. I really wanted it to be him. I wanted to grow with him. But he literally told me he doesn’t want to do it with me. So I have to go. I will see him tomorrow. And I will see him for the very last time next Friday.

I don’t know what to do next with my life. And I’m asking for your help. Please help me better my future. I’m a hard worker, please help me make something of myself. And please get me out of this house.

I’m not afraid of change.
Quite frankly I’m not afraid of anything anymore.

Im ready for something real in my life.
Please.

I really did love you Michael. And I thank you for helping me become a better version of myself.
I will miss you so fucking much.
You know why? Because you’re you. And I love you, you idiot.

I’m ready to walk away from everything I have.
And sadly, I know everyone is ok with letting me go.
Mike already let me go. He basically told me to go.
He doesn’t love me and never will. He told me that.
Holy fuck if you could feel the way my heart just shattered into my stomach.
I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love him.
But my love isn’t something he wants or needs. I hope this detachment will give him what he needs.

Just don’t take J from me. You know he’s been my rock and I thank you for making him be apart of my life. He is also someone I owe a thank you to in making me stronger.

This is my final post.
This is the end of this chapter in my life.
I gotta start writing and working on my next one.

Thanks for listening.

My heart beats for you

I love you so much it’s insane

Because I never thought I could care about someone this much

I would do anything for you and only you

Like the love isn’t obsessive. My love actually feels healthy for the first time

I know I have to leave you but I don’t know how

Or it’s because I don’t want to leave you

I. Love. You.

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me

I want you and only you

I need you and only you

I love you and only you

I don’t want to be with anyone that isn’t you

You’re my person.

I wish that I was yours

That’s a line I’ve said to people many times. How they interpret it, is up to them.

You feed me, I feed you, in many ways.

I try to feed people with wisdom. I try to make them think for themselves.

How many times must I tell you not to dig through phones and the internet. That’s how you sell yourself to me. You become enslaved by me and you don’t even know it. I don’t want that.

You’ve shown me how little you respect me.

You’ve shown me you don’t care one bit about me.

You search for ways to hurt me.

You want to see me hurt. You want to see me cry. You want to see me angry.

That shows a lot about you.

If you insist on starting rumors about me, your only showing your true self.

You can’t handle confronting me because I will hold up a mirror to your true self. You mustn’t run, I will always catch up. You must accept what you see so that I can help you heal.

Life is so beautiful when you let it be.

When you are true. True to you. And true to others.

Envy is so ugly. Just like a lie.

And when you tell a lie, you are also lying to yourself.

People try to be apart of my journey and my life.

And I would let you. But you keep proving to me how unworthy you are hiding behind so much disgust.

I pray for you. I wish you all the best.

I hope you heal what you hide from.

Make your life worth living.

Have the day that you deserve.

And I truly hope it’s a good one.

Love, M.