u/Important_Section590

I had to step away, I didint want to. You always told me to stop being a scared cat. I realized loving you and having hope was going to keep me attached. The texts the phone calls the video chats. I saw someone post on TikTok that if you really love someone you need to let them go. I wish it wasn't so. I wanted to say stay with me till I fixed myself but I saw I was no longer a priority and that's my own fault. I wrote my last message to you a few times and redid it a few more times so I could give you the closer you needed. I spent countless hours trying to find something on Reddit after you broke up with me. God the amount of pain.... I'll keep my poker face on. Remember when you taught me how to play poker ... I'll keep that on and keep healing so my kids don't see me sad or cry anymore. I did good today but it's just one day... One day at a time I guess ... I'll keep healing keep writing in my journals. The last thing you told me was I'm worth of good things and love but I really wanted it to be you and us.

I'm sorry I'll let go

If you ever need me I'll still be here. I didint block your number

I'm going to miss your voice

I had to step away, I didint want to. You always told me to stop being a scared cat. I realized loving you and having hope was going to keep me attached. The texts the phone calls the video chats. I saw someone post on TikTok that if you really love someone you need to let them go. I wish it wasn't so. I wanted to say stay with me till I fixed myself but I saw I was no longer a priority and that's my own fault. I wrote my last message to you a few times and redid it a few more times so I could give you the closer you needed. I spent countless hours trying to find something on Reddit after you broke up with me. God the amount of pain.... I'll keep my poker face on. Remember when you taught me how to play poker ... I'll keep that on and keep healing so my kids don't see me sad or cry anymore. I did good today but it's just one day... One day at a time I guess ... I'll keep healing keep writing in my journals. The last thing you told me was I'm worth of good things and love but I really wanted it to be you and us.

I'm sorry I'll let go

If you ever need me I'll still be here. I didint block your number

I'm going to miss your voice

Pouring kerosene on everything I love and watch it burn

Match in hand

Pouring kerosene on everything I loved and watch it burn...

Match is getting to my fingertips

As I watch the memories flash before my eyes fading

Away

Your eyes

The shape from your ears, jaw line

The outline of your lips as you smile

The earth behind that voice

The freckles on your shoulders

The color of your hair

The shape of your hands and the outline of your back

Fuse getting closer to

The end of that match

My friend

You're not close enough to blow it out

I did

I'll start over

Gather those memories and store them in a little glass jar

I'll fill up those unsaid thoughts

The unsaid texts

The wrote out texts I erased

I'll put it away and keep them safe

One day maybe you'll get to read them

Get to see me blow out that flame

I'm sorry if on your side through your eyes the match caught fire

And you had to watch everything you love burn

A quiet hush follows the storm’s retreat,
As cool, calm waters wash over me.
I feel weightless now, able to breathe,
While thunder echoes and lightning fades
into the distance.
The waves’ gentle rocking begins to slow,
Lulling me into a peaceful sleep.

The amount of physical pain my body is going through without being able to hear your voice is killing me. It feels like my body's being ripped apart.

Im not able to say this to you but I wish I could hear your voice.

There was a white car that parked in the front outside and for a split second I thought it was you.

I cried. My god today was such a good day I tried to keep busy I even started drawing once the house quieted down.

I thought it was you and it broke my heart all over again.

I know I'll get better mentally and I've started to physically even feel better but it broke me.

I want to tell you I miss you

I know I have to sit in this pain that I need to feel what I've done.

It's raw still...god its so painful.

I'm sorry Steven. I'm so sorry